How Your Male Co-Workers View Your Availability

by Dot Callihan | Jul 30, 2012 | Acting As Empowered Women, Dealing With The Ugly Stuff, Understanding The Male-Dominated Workplace

Last week Meghan Casserly of Forbes published an article – Every Man You Work With Thinks You Want to Sleep With Him. This article raised some eyebrows. Is this true? Do the men we work with look at us sexually even though we have platonic relationships? And is it true that it doesn’t matter if we are in a relationship – they still think we want to sleep with them??

Meghan has an attention getting headline and her article has some truth. But it doesn’t explain what men are really thinking and how we as women can control this situation. So, let me explain.

First, the article addressed men and women in their twenties. So, we expect more hormonal responses at that age. As for the rest of us, have the men we work with thought about each of us sexually? Do they discuss us sexually amongst themselves? Short answer – Yes.

But before the femininst in you gets worked up, understand what they are doing.

First, recognize that men have a pack or herd mentality. When you join the office, you become part of their pack. You are one of them.

Second, men don’t believe women should be sexually unattached. The idea of the lone female just doesn’t compute. The lone female must be pursued and matched to a man, just like every female in the wild must be mated to a male.

Putting these two thoughts together the male pack you work with believes you should be mating with another member of the pack. You are their woman.

When you start working at a new office the first thing the guys will want to know about you is your availability – which is not defined by you or your relationship status. Meghan’s article was right about that. What they do care about is whether or not another man has staked a sign out in front of you saying “Do Not Touch – She Is Mine.” If your male office mates make an advance on you, is a man going to step forward and challenge them?

That is the critical question! In order to keep the men you work with from thinking of you as sexually available you must place a man between you and them. It doesn’t matter if you are married or single.

So, if you are married or in a relationship, you need to introduce your man to your male co-workers as soon as possible. If your man can come to the office that is great. He is coming onto their turf and he should instinctively know what to do.

If you are single and don’t have a boyfriend you can adopt a big brother. If you are a woman working away from home, or if your man is not home, you should also have a big brother. Basically, this is a man who will stake out a sign that says “To Get To Her You Have to Go Through Me.” A big brother can be a friend or even a co-worker. He just needs to have one important characteristic – he should be a guy your office mates will like and want to join their pack.

Even after you introduce your man or big brother to your office mates, they need to bond. Make sure your man comes to the next office social event, group lunch or happy hour. Once your guy is part of the pack, all is good in the world. Men generally respect other pack members’ relationships.

If you are thinking you can handle this on your own, or that if you don’t talk about your personal or dating life, then the guys won’t either, you are mistaken. Even if all the men in your office are happily married and no one is personally interested in you, a man in another office will see you as an opportunity.

The good news is your male co-workers will form the first line of defense – the perks of being a member of the pack. The outsider will approach them first, asking about your availability. If your co-workers believe you are available and they like the outsider, they will encourage him. If you have produced a big brother, your office mates will generally approach you first and let you know someone is interested. If your office mates don’t like the outsider or you decide you don’t, they will step in and keep him away. After all you are part of their pack and as such get their protection.

Are you wondering if there is an age we will reach when we can expect this game to end? Will we ever be too old for this game or will we just trade the workplace for the retirement community?!

It sounds like we haven’t progressed too far in the past 40 or so years. That as a woman we still can’t go to work and be seen only as a professional. It seems absurd that we need to use a man to keep our male co-workers under control. Frustrating as that is, we also need to do it to keep their wives under control. The only thing worse than being viewed as a sexually available woman by your male co-workers is being viewed as sexually available by a jealous wife! But I will address that in a future article that I have already titled Wives and Knives!

Last week Meghan Casserly of Forbes published an article – Every Man You Work With Thinks You Want to Sleep With Him. This article raised some eyebrows. Is this true? Do the men we work with look at us sexually even though we have platonic relationships? And is it true that it doesn’t matter if we are in a relationship – they still think we want to sleep with them??

Meghan has an attention getting headline and her article has some truth. But it doesn’t explain what men are really thinking and how we as women can control this situation. So, let me explain.