Tag: BMOC

Being a woman working in a career-field dominated by men, I’ve run into countless men afflicted with BMOC (Big Man on Campus) Syndrome.

Usually the first warning sign that a male colleague has contracted the syndrome is his aggressive declaration “I want to be in charge” accompanied by the look and body language that says, “Because I am The Man.”

Allowed to run its course the syndrome affects the ego, over-inflating it to an unrealistic level.  Soon he is stricken with BMOC Syndrome’s most recognizable symptom – a big head.

As women, our conditioned response to BMOC Syndrome is to back off and let the syndrome completely infect him.  But, when we do, we allow the disease to spread – and we get infected too.

In us, the disease presents very differently.  Our typical symptoms  are a diminished ego, a loss of assertiveness and a smaller voice.  Since the symptoms of BMOC syndrome are so radically different in women, our male colleagues refer to it as Little Woman Syndrome.

When I first began working one of my male colleagues had a very serious case of BMOC Syndrome.  I backed off and let him “take charge.”  I developed Little Woman Syndrome.

However, after his second bout of the syndrome I realized his BMOC Syndrome also infected our team and workplace.  As a team our symptoms were chaos, disorganization, poor communication and poor performance. In other words, we were a big mess.

After that experience I decided to dedicate my life to stopping the spread of BMOC syndrome and its devastating effects on women and the workplace.

After years of combating countless cases of BMOC Syndrome, I am happy to report that I’ve developed a few remedies for the disease’s various stages.

As women, we typically encounter the first stage of BMOC Syndrome early in our career when everyone is trying to establish themselves – trying to make their mark.  Our infected male colleague becomes offensively aggressive and overly competitive.  He may also develop a brown nose and/or puckered lips.

As women, we think we have a binary choice when faced with an infected colleague – we can fight him or back off.  As I already mentioned, most of us choose to back off and contract Little Woman Syndrome. Once infected it can become a disease that infects us the rest of our career.

Some women choose the fight option and try to contract BMOC Syndrome in the name of equality.  They try to be as aggressive and competitive as their colleague.  However, that seldom works because very few women can out-man a man with BMOC Syndrome.  Instead, they wind up letting their male colleague infect them with Bitchy Woman Syndrome.

Our male colleagues love it when we come down with this!!

The true remedy to BMOC lies in a powerful third option, one that is homeopathic and natural to women.   We don’t fight or retreat. Instead, we hold our ground.  We stay put.  We become immobile and use the Power of “No.”

By holding our ground, we don’t allow BMOC syndrome to elevate one man’s ego at the expense of everyone else’s.  We keep everyone equal and working as a team.  This allows us to say:

“No.  You and your ego don’t get to come ahead of this team.  We all have ideas and we will express them.  Together we will resolve this issue/problem/project as a team.  We will work together, succeed and make our mark as a team. So, park your ego and sit down.”

Using this natural remedy for the first time can be terrifying. We would rather swallow a spoonful of cod liver oil!  However, we have to understand that the ONLY reason it is so difficult is because we’ve been taught women have no natural immunity to BMOC Syndrome.

And guess who taught us this?

Men with BMOC Syndrome.

However, once we take a stand, we are inoculated, we are forever immune to BMOC Syndrome.  Something happens inside our head, heart and body and all we can say is:

“No. I will not be infected with Little Woman Syndrome just so a man can be The BMOC. And I won’t fall into the trap of Bitchy Woman Syndrome either, no matter how much they want me to get it.

Once we accomplish that physiological change within ourselves, we assert ourselves.  We take on leadership roles. We have achievements for ourselves and our team.

 

But then our success attracts the second stage of BMOC Syndrome.

Men who are pre-disposed to BMOC Syndrome become jealous of our success because it’s bigger and better than theirs. 

They don’t believe a woman should have that kind of success, power, authority or achievement.  All of that should reside within A Man. Consequently, they will try to take our success and claim it for themselves.

In mild cases of BMOC syndrome, they openly challenge to us.  As the syndrome progresses, they backstab us.  In the most severe cases of BMOC syndrome men actively sabotage us.

However, before we catch a bout of Bitchy Woman Syndrome, we remember:

• The reason he is attacking us is because we are better than him.
• We are The Achiever who has a track record of meeting goals and objectives.
• We have more clout than him.  Management depends on us and our performance.

My simple remedy to this is a little attitude and confronting him directly:

“So, we have X problem.  Do you know how to fix it? What are you going to do?” 

Many times, if we put him on the spot, we shake his fake self-confidence. We remind him that he has to deliver better performance than us. Our challenge and self-confidence more often than not make him back off.

Or another remedy is using our clout with our management allies. Again, with a little attitude that reminds them who they rely on, we request that this pip-squeak stop annoying us.

These remedies work in many workplaces.  But not all.

In some workplaces, management itself is deeply infected with BMOC Syndrome.  Our colleague knows this so he will us his brown nose and puckered lips on these infected managers to help him usurp you.

Suddenly, you are removed from your job or role for no valid reason – except – “This area is functioning so well, that A Man has to be in charge of it.”

As a woman, it is the most frustrating experience we will experience because we know that there is absolutely nothing we can do.  We have no recourse.  Of course, we can fight or file a complaint. However, those just lead to us being quarantined because they decided we have Bitchy Woman Syndrome.

At this point we have to be careful.

Our natural immunity is down and it’s easy to feel defeated and become infected with Little Woman Syndrome.  We will get advice telling us to take on and be content in a “support role” (traditional female job no real man wants).  People will also tell us the fairytale that if we work hard and show our dedication and loyalty then one magical day these men with BMOC Syndrome will notice us, realize our value and reward us.

Ha! That will NEVER, EVER happen! The men will live happily ever after, but we won’t.

To recover, we once again empower our natural immunity and the Power of “No.” We say “No” to contracting Little Woman Syndrome or Bitchy Woman Syndrome.

We realize that the man who usurped us was only after our job title.  He doesn’t want the hard work, responsibility and accountability that come with it.  He can’t do the job and he knows it. 

He is counting on us to contract Little Woman Syndrome. He expects that because we are desperate to prove our worth, we will keep doing his job while he is out playing golf and taking long “business” lunches. 

However, we don’t fall for the trap he has laid out for us.  Instead, we use our womanly wisdom.  We:

1. Accept that we were kicked to the curb. We lost our role and title.  We also lost the work, the responsibility and the accountability.
2. Accept that we can work our fingers to the bone but we will never be rewarded.
3. Remember that we are the Achiever, not him. He can’t do the job on his own.

Using our womanly wisdom, we become infected with Empowered Woman Syndrome.

Empowered Women don’t do somebody else’s job for them.  Empowered Women make men do their damn own job, especially when they usurp ours.

So, when our usurper demurely comes to us, requesting us to “help him out” and keep doing our previous duties, because “we are so good at them and we are a good team player,” we say:

“No.  You wanted the job.  You got it.”

Then we turn and walk away.

He wanted the title, he got it.  He also got the responsibility, the hard work, long hours and the accountability.

Many women are afraid to say this because we think he will go running to management, complaining we aren’t a team player. 

But – we should dare him too.

Remember those managers have BMOC Syndrome so I guarantee their response will be:

 “What do you mean you need a woman to help you?  You’re The Man.  We expect you to do the job.  We put you in that position to prove whatever a woman can do a man can do better.”

So, for our usurper, running to management is a really bad idea.

Remember we set the standard for the job and now he has to measure up to it.  We let him figure out how to do it all by himself – after all, he’s The BMOC.

Meanwhile, we enjoy our time being kicked out to the curb and the frilly, girly duties we were assigned.  And because we are women, we keep an eye on our usurper and wait patiently. We know he is screwing up our job and we know he will fail.

Some of my usurpers quit and walked out the door.

Some were fired.

Others just wiggled their way into a new, less demanding job.

Yes, I’ve been usurped a lot.  There is a lot of BMOC Syndrome out there.  But that’s okay because in response, I’ve contracted a very severe case of Empowered Woman Syndrome.

And I learned that BMOC Syndrome is no match for Empowered Woman Syndrome.

Eventually, I always got my job back.

However, before I took it back, I had one condition.  I knew that when my usurper asked to be paid more than me and the BMOC managers agreed because he’s The Man. 

My Empowered Woman Syndrome required me to now be paid more than him because I am The Woman, and I have to clean up the mess made by The Man.

Empowered Women Aren’t Intimidated by BMOC Syndrome

To learn more, watch this YouTube video: