Tag: empowered

  • From #MeToo to Action

    From #MeToo to Action

    After reading an article I got in a comment battle with another woman over how women should respond to sexual harassment and assault.  She was very focused on offering empathy and sitting up all night with a woman who has been hurt.  To her offering empathy and understanding is what empowered women do.

    To me, empowered women do a lot more – they also take a stand and pursue justice.   An empowered woman, after sitting up all night listening to her hurt friend, goes out the next morning and starts the process of getting justice.  She is her advocate.  Sher puts her empathy, caring and understanding into action to help her friend get the justice she deserves.

    Statue of Justice at Old Bailey Courthouse with raised scales and sword. Justice isn't blindfolded
    Justice in her womanly form – raised sword and no blindfold.

    The other woman focused on being a victim and creating a lot of energy around those feelings of being a victim.  But putting a lot of energy into that state perpetuates that state.  And as the author of the article also discussed it is hard not to be affected yourself by the story of others and let it drag you down.

    To me, we need to put the energy towards healing and moving beyond the incident so it doesn’t permanently alter our lives in a negative manner.  I think of these incidents as someone pushing you down and infusing you with lots of their negative energy.   Our recovery process has to focus on working our way back up, ejecting their negativity and replacing it with our own positive energy.

    I have always found that standing up for myself and pursuing justice works miracles in speeding up the recovery process.   It gets me and the energy moving in the right direction.  Sometimes the justice process is swift and easy, sometimes it is really hard but you keep moving forward.  If you are lucky enough to have an advocate she ensures you keep taking steps forward, even if they are baby steps.

    When I feel I got the justice I deserve, I feel empowered and strong.   This is why I don’t reflect back on my career and see a long list of harassment, discrimination or unfair incidents.  I see challenges and obstacles that made me stronger and more confident.  They are a reminder that men don’t have power over me.

    The subtext of the other woman’s comments (and what really fired me up) was that it implied that when men act inappropriately, empowered women only respond in an emotional manner with empathy and understanding.  Change can only come when men decide to change their own actions.  Until then, it is women’s duty to keep pouring out the empathy and understanding to other women.

    Doesn’t that sound a lot like the stereotypes?

    Men act. Women are emotional.

    What about women taking action?

    After reading many comments on many posts, it seems that many women don’t believe or don’t want to believe that women have the power to act and influence men to change their actions.

    Our society is conditioned to believe women won’t act.   It believes if we give women their #MeToo moment to vent, appease them emotionally, sacrifice a few men, then eventually women will sit down, shut up and go away.

    We conditioned men to believe they just have to wait it out.  They don’t have to change because women aren’t going to do anything to make them change.  Women aren’t going to impose consequences. 

    If women want real and lasting change in men’s behavior, then women have to stop just talking and empathizing.  We need to act by standing up for ourselves, pursuing justice and imposing consequences.

    But again, from reading through lots of comments, there are a lot of women who don’t want us to see women as actors and doers because it then makes women responsible and accountable for their own actions.  In every incident they want women to be seen as innocent little lambs who are attacked by the big bad wolf in order to put 100% of the focus on men’s actions.

    They don’t want us to ask “Why did you go up to his hotel room?  Why did you get drunk with those guys?  Why did you let him in?”

    I can hear women screaming now “You want to bring back Victim Blaming!”

    No.

    I want women to understand the negative consequences of us denying our action, responsibility and accountability.

    An innocent little lamb is like a dependent child who needs others to protect and take care of it.  That image reinforces the stereotypes, the patriarchy and the subjugation of women.  It is not an image of an empowered woman who exercises her equality to men.

    Empowered women aren’t afraid to admit their mistakes.  Fear of Blame is a guy thing because men are afraid to be vulnerable.  Unfortunately they’ve transferred it to women and use it against us as victim blaming.

    Men use our 10% mistake to intimidate us into not exposing their 90% mistake.

    We need to get wise to this and stop falling for it.

    I’m not afraid to expose my mistake and take my 10% of accountability.  If anyone wants to victim blame me then my response is “I know I’m not perfect.  I am human.  We all make mistakes.”  Then I give them the look that says “Shall we discuss your long list of mistakes?”

    This attitude let me to file an 80 page complaint against a serial abuser in which I included all of my dirty laundry.  Not only was the serial abuser addressed but the company instituted a lot of policy changes to prevent the abuse he doled out.

    I know I keep harping on how important your attitude and perspective are to standing up for  yourself (and others) and getting justice.  This is why you can’t see yourself as a powerless victim.

    Several years ago I was sexually harassed at work and filed a complaint.  My complaint was not kept confidential.  Luckily someone who received it intervened and stopped a subsequent email that would have made it public.

    I was horrified, disgusted and angry.  As I drove home from work, I realized I was victimized – twice.  I got very upset.  After wallowing in my victimization for 20 minutes I thought “What the hell do I have to be ashamed of?  I didn’t do anything wrong.  The man who breached my confidentiality after being instructed to protect it was who was wrong.”  (My harasser was already fired.)

    I realized how thinking of myself as a victim disempowered me.  So I picked up the phone, called the appropriate person and got my justice.

    That was the only time in my career I ever associated myself with “victim.”

    I prefer to be a justice seeker and someone who always stands up for what is right.  I found there is a lot of power in that. 

    And that probably explains why women are discouraged from believing in their power to act, their power to influence men and their power to invoke consequences.

    Empowered Women Put Their Empathy into Action

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  • How To Map Processes, The Simple Way

    Process_MappingI tell women to learn their company’s operating and management systems as a foundation for building a success career.  But most women (and men) have never been taught how to think in terms of systems or how to map out processes so my advice may seem daunting.

    If you took the initiative to search the web you may have been overwhelmed.  Mapping processes seems complicated!  There are symbols that you use to create diagrams to convey specific functions.  The experts have names that require you to twist and contort your mouth in an attempt to pronounce.  And it seems everyone has a PhD.

    But the reality is that you don’t have to make it complicated for most of your purposes.  No one needs to be well versed in systems or processes design.  Here’s how I got a project started on mapping its processes. (more…)

  • Working With Women In Traditional Roles

    When you are a woman entering a traditionally male role you will be focused on your relationships with your male peers and supervisors.  But you also need to focus on your relationships with your female co-workers in traditional jobs.  You may assume that the women in the office will be cheering for your success however your presence may be as uncomfortable for them as it is for the men. (more…)

  • How Women Can Be Aggressive Enough to Get to and Survive at the Top

    We are told that to rise to the top 1% you have to be very aggressive…cutthroat even.   A week ago two billionaires –Carl Icahn and Bill Ackman – went at each other live on CNBC.  It was re-aired several times, billed as the “Clash of the Titans” or “The Battle of the Billionaires”.  It was ugly.  Commentators decided that the battle was very personal.  Is this the type of confrontation that they believe keeps women from getting to the top?  Do personal attacks make you recede and give up?

    During my construction career I witnessed a lot of these “battles” and have participated in my share of them.  It is one of the things I hated the most about my job!  They wore me down and frustrated me because I thought they were just a plain stupid waste of time and energy.  I had more important things to deal with than arbitrary posturing.  Eventually I learned better ways to react to these incidents.  (more…)

  • Should Women Strive For The Top 0.1%?

    I read a book by Chrystia Freeland called Plutocrats – The Rise Of The New Global Super-Rich And The Fall Of Everyone Else.  I was interested in the subject because I saw parallels to my Swamp War articles and several ideas I had swimming around in my head.

    What are Plutocrats?  They are the extremely wealthy class who (supposedly) rule and influence the world based on their wealth.  Unlike plutocrats of the past who inherited the wealth, most of today’s plutocrats are self-made millionaires and billionaires, coming from ordinary backgrounds.

    Why is it important that women understand Plutocrats?

    Because as a society we measure success by wealth and because so few plutocrats are women.  Chrystia writes “Consider the 2012 Forbes billionaire list.  Just 104 of the 1,226 billionaires are women.”  (8%)  “Subtract the wives, daughters and widows and you are left with a fraction of that already small number.”  (more…)

  • A Blue Zone “Motivational” Letter

    I came across a letter that I want to share with women.  This letter is VERY Blue Zone and meant to inspire the overwhelmingly male managers within the company to achieve the 2013 financial goals.  I am curious as to women’s reaction to this letter.  Does it inspire you?

    This is the actual letter – I have not changed much – I left out the company name and specific financial information.  But I did keep in all the exclamation points!     (more…)

  • Thanks Mom and Dad

    I haven’t been able to write while I helped my mother during her declining health.  At her funeral some family members noted that she was a woman ahead of her times – she was very independent and went after what she wanted.  My mother pursued a nursing career and didn’t marry until later in life.  She loved to travel and even as a young woman in the 1940’s ventured out across the country.

    Because of my parents I did not grow up with the stereotypes.  Neither of my parents believed that a woman’s sole role was to marry and have children.  In my father’s family all the women back to his grandmother went to college.  He was adamant that life was unpredictable so women cannot rely on a man to always be there to support them.  Women should have the education and/or skills to support themselves. (more…)

  • Discipline – A Female Trait That Draws On Our Motherly Instincts

    While talking to several women about their work experiences I realized that I forgot to list my top female balancing characteristic – Discipline.  I grew up learning that female discipline is one of the most important foundations of society and civilization.  The balancing male characteristic to female discipline is playfulness.

    Discipline and playfulness conjure up visions of the wild, wild west that was tamed by women and the Lost Boys of Neverland that Wendy mothered .  We also think of wives who produce “honey-do” lists for husbands who if left to their own devices would spend all their time watching sports or playing video games.  Our discipline is critical to getting things done on time and to high standards.

    Female discipline is tied to the thoroughness of women which together often results in women cleaning up after men.  I was recently reminded of this when I was in a new work environment with 4 men and 1 young woman.  Watching their interaction I saw discipline and playfulness in action and became very aware of the pitfalls women fall into.  We may think that our discipline and thoroughness is a good thing but this natural behavior moves us to the sidelines, if not completely out of view. (more…)

  • Don’t Be OnThe Swamp War Sidelines

    I came up with the concept of Swamp Wars about two years ago. It stemmed from my work experiences and for a while I thought it was unique to my industry because we have so many classic Alligator Slayers. But as I wrote this series of articles (Swamp Wars and The Rachel Letter) the national political conventions were held and politics fills the “news” media. Over the past year, I’ve seen huge similarities between what I experienced at work and what I see happening in our politics. I am now convinced that Swamp Wars is more than just my unique work experience – it is part of our society. Swamp Wars is a recent phenomenon and something women need to understand because it is having a significant impact on our ability to advance at work. (more…)

  • How to Use the Rachel Letter To End Swamp Wars

    In the season 3 finale and the season 4 premier of Friends, Ross and Rachel decide to get back together.  But Rachel has one condition – she writes Ross a long letter in which she describes everything that went wrong with the relationship and Ross has to accept full responsibility.  Ross, anxious to get back together with Rachel lies and says he read the letter – twice – and agrees to everything in the letter.  As he learns what he agreed to he is unable to keep up the charade.  Ross finally comes clean and admits that he fell asleep reading the letter – it was 18 pages long – front and back!

    Women understand Rachel’s letter.  It is a pure pink female masterpiece – long, citing every incident no matter how trivial in exacting detail.

    Believe it or not our ability to write these types of letters comes in handy when working with men.  I have written several business “Rachel letters.”  It is one of the few times I get to venture towards the Pink end of the spectrum and frolic in my female characteristics with abandon.       (more…)

  • Swamp Wars – The Battle for Status

    Last week while I was in that semiconscious state of falling asleep with the TV on, I heard the TV pundits talking about Odysseus and how he was the classic hero.  The pundits went on to discuss how humans love heroes.  Then one pundit questioned the other “What do heroes always need?”  The answer was: “Problems.  We have to have problems so we can have heroes.”  That’s when I bolted upright and said out loud – “That’s what I always talk about!”Alligator

    Years ago, I wrote my version of the male-dominated workplace Odysseus – the Great American Alligator Slayer.  He is our traditional hero.  He is strong, dominating and intimidating.  In most companies he is found in Operations departments – the “make it happen” departments.  Whenever the workplace is up to its waist in alligators (problems) he is who we turn to – he slays the alligators and makes the problems go away.  We can count on him to always comes through!!

    But in recent years, our classic hero has been challenged for his top status.  In my article Baby Boomer Men – Status Driven, I discussed that there are now 3 additional groups of men – Planners, Geeks/Nerds and Intellectual Elites – who each believe they are worthy of the top rung on the status ladder.  They want to redefine which male characteristics determine a Hero.

    Since I already named two of the groups Great American Alligator Slayers and Swamp Drainers, I decided to have a little fun and call this new battle for status “Swamp Wars.” (more…)

  • Shades of Purple

    When we discuss women advancing their careers we cannot assume that all women have the same challenges.  Our challenges are defined by who we are and the culture of our work environment

    I introduced the Purple Zone, as an evolution beyond thinking of men and women in terms of pink and blue stereotypes; to thinking of men and women with balancing characteristics.  When we blend male (blue) and female (pink) we create purple.  I would argue that most men and women are really purple – not a homogenous, androgynous shade but a spectrum of shades spanning from a pinkish Violet to a pure Purple to a bluish Indigo.  It is up to each of use to define our shade of purple. (more…)

  • Olympic Women – You’ve Come A Long Way Baby!

    When I first saw the American swimmers video of Call Me Maybe I had to laugh at my first thought – They are such girls!!  Wait!!  I am saying that about Olympic swimmers?!!  I remember back in the 70’s and 80’s when we questioned the true gender of the Eastern European swimmers.  The conspiracy – were they women who were shot so full of hormones that they are now men OR were they men who were made into “women”?  In either case, it showed how we thought back then – that women have to be turned into men in order to rise to the top. (more…)