Tag: male privilege

  • A Lack Of Privilege, Or An Opportunity?

    A Lack Of Privilege, Or An Opportunity?

    We often hear about “White Privilege”, “Male Privilege” and of course “White Male Privilege.” where these privileges give you an advantage or opportunity others who don’t have those characteristics don’t get. And, if you follow intersectional feminism, you learn there are an endless list of privileges.   

    As a female engineer in the military and the construction industry, I had many opportunities to see many “privileges” in action. And while feminists and liberals want to make a big deal out of “White Male Privilege”, it’s really just plain old “Male Privilege” at work.

    Even early in my career, I knew many successful “men of color” who became successful at a time when racism was rampant. The reason for their success is something feminism doesn’t understand – the merit system. The old male-dominated workplace valued people who got things done. Period.

    I knew many crotchety old white guys who today we would take one look at and think “racist.” However, they respected and were even best friends with nonwhite men who shared their value of working hard and getting things done.

    As a young woman, when I asked my first mentor what I needed to do in order to be successful as a woman, he replied:

    “Be someone who gets things done.”

    I listened to that advise and it served me well. As a 31-year-old woman, I worked on par and with equal pay to men who were old enough to be my father…because I was getting done the same job as them. Actually, I was doing it better.

    However, that was not always the case. One of my workplaces was very patriarchal. And even though I was one of the top 3 project managers in the company, I was held back in every way. I was kicked off projects and sent to sit at my desk to twiddle my thumbs while men I trained, mentored and whose work I was expected to correct, replaced me. And of course, they got higher pay.

    It was pure male privilege which doesn’t care about the race or ethnicity of a man. It only cares that he is a man and as such he is preferable to even the most qualified, intelligent, competent woman.

    I know many women would have given up faced with my circumstances. However, growing up I learned that there are many types of disadvantages and privileges. I faced two lesser-known forms of privilege which should have scarred me for life but instead taught me how to overcome my lack of privilege.

    Hair Color Privilege

    The first is what I call Hair Color Privilege.  When I grew up having blond, brunette and black hair (in that descending order) was the preference.   The style of the times also said that your hair was parted in the middle, long and straight.

    I didn’t have Hair Color Privilege or any kind of Hair Privilege.  You see I grew up with short, curly RED hair.

    In the days before Prince Harry made being ginger was cool, my first-grade teacher informed me that my red hair was the mark of “the Devil’s child.” I spent the year dealing with her abuse.

    In middle school my math teacher called me “a witch” and routinely marked my correct answers wrong in order to sabotage my grades. In high school one teacher refused to teach me. And I can’t even count how many assignments, tests, reports and homework was marked as turned in but mysteriously was the only one that was lost and not graded.

    And of course, being the different girl with red hair (and lots of freckles) was a calling card to all bullies.

    On the positive side, my lack of Hair Color Privilege taught me how to stand up for myself.  And for other people too. 

    It made me comfortable being different and being “the only.”

    It prepared me for being the woman in the room. So, I am very thankful for my lack of Hair Color Privilege and the strength it gave me.  

    My second lack of privilege didn’t occur to me until I went to college.  It was even more pervasive in it’s conspiracy to hold me back and it was based on my last name.

    A-B-C privilege

    When I grew up, schools loved alphabetical order. Alphabetical order ensured the kids with A-B-C-D last names were in the front of the line and in the front rows of the classroom. Everyone knew who these kids were. They got lots of attention.

    So, with a maiden last name that started with STI, I was very close to the back of the line, perfectly placed to be invisible. Even my bright red hair couldn’t overcome how my lack of A-B-C privilege cast me into obscurity.

    When I was in middle school, two schools had to combine for a year, creating overcrowding and I suffered consequences of A-B-C privilege. The most advanced classes were filled in alphabetical order, and by the time they got down to my name, those classes were full. Consequently, another boy (SUT) and I, weren’t placed in our proper class, even though we were more qualified than most of those who were.

    This then affected our high school class placement. The math teacher who called me a “witch” used his influence to keep me out of the “honors program” high school. The SUT boy overcame this through his acceptance to a highly accredited private all-boys high school (male privilege). Without a similar female option, it took several months for my high school guidance counselor to realize I was badly misplaced and put me in the “honors program.” Without this correction, it would have been much harder for me to get into the best engineering colleges.

    In college, ABC privilege was still prevalent. However, I got married after my junior year and changed my last name to CAL.

    That is when I realized the enormity of “A-B-C Privilege“!

    With a CAL last name, I was transformed from obscurity to visibility. I was in the front of the line. In the front row. Part of the first group.

    It was like a whole new world opened up!!

    When I got divorced people asked if I was going back to my maiden name. My answer was:

    “Hell no!” I’m not giving up my A-B-C privilege!

    (Sorry Mom and Dad.)

    Creativity To Overcome

    My experience with these two lacks of privilege taught me a lot. Yes, a lack of a privilege is unfair however, it doesn’t make you permanently disadvantaged.

    I learned a lack of privilege could be overcome.

    In elementary school I watched the boys who were last in line “act up.” By being disruptively funny, these boys got a lot of attention. Every adult in the school knew who they were. In elementary school these boys (and I) learned a very powerful lesson about how a change in attitude and a little creativity can go a long way to overcome a disadvantage.

    The high school teacher who refused to teach me, was my teacher again my senior year. However, this time I really got into the subject and remembered those elementary school boys at the back of the line. So, from the back of the classroom, I sat on the back of my chair, or stood up and walked around as I voiced my ideas. I hijacked discussions and amazingly, the teacher and I really clicked. She loved having a student who was as much into the subject as she was. As for me, I learned a lot about taking command of a room, a lesson that came in handy when dealing with a room full of loud, opinionated men.

    In my professional life I put these early lessons about Privilege and Opportunity to use.

    Many people assume that being the Woman In The Room created a huge disadvantage for me because my colleagues all had Male Privilege. However, I quickly discovered my uniqueness overcame their privilege.

    When my male colleagues and I were introduced to senior leadership, or a new client, who stood out?

    I did.

    I was the person people remembered. I was the one they talked about. I was the one they let approach and talk to them because they were curious about me, my story and most importantly, how I was going to measure up against my male colleagues.

    Even if people questioned my capabilities, they all knew who I was. I learned how to leverage that. Then when I was the one who could be counted on to get things done, I was a force to be reckoned with.

    Be Positive and Be Your Own Privilege

    Life isn’t fair. There will always be people who have some kind of advantage or privilege over you. So, use your lack of Privilege to find creative and different paths to give you opportunity.

    And since life isn’t fair, not every situation creates an opportunity. It creates other lessons.

    My middle school math teacher who held me back, well, he went to prison for embezzlement. He taught me the joy of Karma.

    And speaking of Karma, that very patriarchal company I worked for that kept replacing me with younger, less qualified men all in an effort to prove that “whatever a woman can do, any man can do better.” Well, the project they did it the most on, became the worst project in their history. It is forever, a huge blemish on their previously perfect record. And I never have a problem reminding them of exactly why the project was a total failure.

    Then because Karma truly is a bitch (and feminist) she wasn’t done.

    In the weeks prior to me leaving the good ole boys were all congratulating themselves for being awarded the biggest project in company history. And since in construction, size matters, they were really stroking their “egos”.

    But with my resignation, I also proudly announced:

    “By the way guys, my new project is 20% bigger than yours! I have the biggest. I WIN!”

    (Yes, that felt really good.)

    However, I “won” because I stayed positive. I didn’t let my lack of privilege and all the disadvantages cast on me, stop me from looking for new opportunities. I chose not to stay in places that didn’t let me be all I could be.

    As it turns out, Privilege turns out not be all that privileging. It stunts your development opportunities in the things that really matter in life.

    Truth be told, from a young age I never wanted to be the kid with all the popular privileges. Their life seemed so boring, so in the box, so safe, so stagnant. I felt like so many of the privileged kids were afraid to take risks or express who they really are because they were afraid of diminishing the arbitrary status their privileges supposedly gave them.

    I felt sorry for them. And I guess that’s why I like the people who are different, who stand out, who are quirky and eclectic.

    Five goldfish looking at one green fish

    These are the people who learn to be themselves, to express themselves and like themselves.

    And to me that is the ultimate privilege in life.

    Empowered Women Look For Opportunities

    To learn more, watch this YouTube video:

  • Empowered Women Change the Toxic Male Workplace

    Empowered Women Change the Toxic Male Workplace

    My first boss died of a heart attack 4 months after I began working.

    A year later a male co-worker died of complications following quadruple by-pass surgery.

    Six months later a man I frequently worked out with died of a massive heart attack following a run.

    One month later, a male co-worker standing 20 feet from me, dropped dead of a massive stroke.

    I went to retirement parties and then attended funerals where we sadly sighed, “He never got to enjoy his golden years.”

    Many of my male colleagues were alcoholics.  It was common to be warned, “Don’t light a match near him today.”

    I lost track of how many male colleagues suffered breakdowns from stress.  And how many times I wondered if any of my male colleagues would show up for work because they were too stressed-out.  Or how many times I heard, “He will be out for a while – don’t know how long yet.”

    Heart attacks, high blood pressure, strokes, alcoholism, diabetes, high cholesterol, depression, chain smoking and drug addiction are what I think of when I hear the term “Toxic Male Workplace.”

    There absolutely was something “toxic” about the male-dominated workplace that impacted my male colleagues’ health.

    These health issues were compounded by the health issues resulting from the safety hazards and work conditions my male colleagues dealt with every day.

    Cancer from working around hazardous materials.  Cancer from excessive sun exposure.  Hearing loss from working around machinery and equipment.  Bad backs, knees, hands and hips from repetitive motions and physical work.  Arthritis and continuous pain from soft tissue injuries.

    Many of the men I worked with “in the office” were there because they suffered an injury and could no longer do the same work they did when they were young.

    Somewhere along the way I stopped counting how many men were killed in car accidents as they traveled to work locations.

    Nine of my male colleagues were injured in a propane tank explosion, two critically.  One never returned to work.

    One morning I went to work only to hear that a male colleague was electrocuted during the night while responding to an emergency call.

    In one workplace we began the new year with a man being killed at 8:15 in the morning.  It wasn’t a Happy New Year.

    I can tell lots of gruesome stories of injuries.

    So, when I hear the term “male privilege” this is what I think of:

    The privilege to do the hazardous and potentially life-altering jobs that few women do.

    Working alongside men, doing the same work as men, I don’t ever recall being jealous of my male colleagues or thinking they had it so much better than me. 

    As a woman, I am supposed to recount all the times I was a “victim” of the male-dominated workplace. However, I saw many more men victimized by it.

    I cannot recall how many times I thought, “I’m lucky to be a woman.”

    I felt lucky that so much of the pressure my male colleagues felt on a daily basis to get ahead, to provide financially for their family and to get the job done didn’t apply to me the same way it did them.  While those things were important to me, especially as a single mother, they didn’t impact my identity, my sense of self or how I perceived my value as much as it did them.

    I also felt fortunate that I had the power to change my workplaces in ways men could not.

    I lived through the male-dominated workplace’s self-improvement gyrations with its long line of initiatives, programs and technology to change and function better.  They all fell short of expectations and most faded away into obscurity.

    However, the initiative I introduced made a profound impact.

    I encouraged myself and the women I worked with to assert our female traits – our way of thinking and acting.

    As women (working in any role), we are well aware of the problems within the male-dominated workplace.  We see the stress, frustration and pressure. However, we don’t realize that the power to correct those problems lies within us – not men.

    It all begins by exercising our empathy.

    We know why “things go wrong” and why our male colleagues get frustrated and stressed out.  We have lots of ideas and even know how to fix and prevent some of the problems.  However, we remain silent or we talk among ourselves because we bought into the BS belief that we can’t make a difference.

    As women, we need to put our empathy into action. We need to speak up and say, “Do it this way.”

    And we can’t be deterred when they don’t get it or don’t listen.  We simply say, “Do you want your problem to go away or not?”

    It takes just one time of us fixing a problem to the get the wheels turning and start changing attitudes.

    So, we take the initiative and assert ourselves more, “I can tell you how to fix that problem too.”

    Men start listening.  Then they start thinking, “Maybe I should ask her about this other problem too.”

    Before you know it there is communication, collaboration and coordination.  Bigger and bigger problems are getting solved.  More problems are prevented.   Performance improves.

    Better yet, stress and frustration are reduced.  My guys told me, “I don’t feel like I’m coming to work and pounding my head against a brick wall all day.”

    That is so rewarding to hear.

    When we put our empathy into action, we create a happier workplace. We end the toxic male workplace.

    Empowered Women Put Their Empathy Into Action and Eliminate The Toxic Workplace

    To learn more, watch this YouTube video: