All through my career I faced closed doors. On the other side of the doors were the All-Boys Clubs. I could have let each closed door stop me but as I looked at the door, I also saw knob.
So, I turned the knob, opened the door and walked in.
It was easy.
Of course, men were surprised to see me. but I knew I had just as much right to be there as any man. I knew my credentials, experience and achievements actually gave me more right to be there than many of the men.
And this may shock many women – the vast majority of men accepted me and made me part of their group.
Remember closed doors have knobs. So, turn the knob and walk in.
I’ve noticed a trend in social media posts – women are offended at being the woman in the room. They are offended when other people are surprised to see a woman in a predominantly or historically male role.
A common refrain is:
“It is so unfair that I have to break through these barriers …that I have to deal with people who don’t understand that a woman can do this job.”
I have to be honest, my reaction is, “OMG – get over it!”
Reflecting back over my career, whenever I was introduced to people they included my non-traditional accolades
Civil Engineer
Air Force Officer Veteran
Construction Project Manager
Construction Company Manager
A woman who spent her career supervising men
Yes, most people looked at me as if I was some kind of alien creature. They didn’t know what to make of me. As for me, I enjoyed my power to mess with their minds and eventually shatter their preconceived notions and stereotyped expectations.
I was never offended by their reaction. I saw myself as broadening their perceptions. I was their educator as to the possibilities of what women can do.
I am proud to be the woman in the room, the woman on the construction site and the woman in charge of the men. I am proud of all the obstacles I’ve overcome and barriers I broke through. I am proud of all perceptions I’ve changed and all the times I inspired men to want more for the women in their lives. I am especially proud of all the times I exceeded expectations and out-performed all of my male colleagues.
Being the woman in the room made me the woman I am today, a woman who is helping forge a new path for women that allows all of us to become the women we have the potential to be.
So no, I don’t get the drama and distress women have because they are the woman in the room. They are continuing to widen the path so more women can follow. They are continuing the mission to advance women in the workplace.
Actually, let me take that back. I do understand what is causing women to be more upset than proud – social media.
When I began this website in 2012, I realized that the posts and blogs about “advancing women” didn’t provide actionable advice. They were more interested in generating clicks and “likes” than in actually advancing women. It is the age-old marketing tactic of playing to women’s emotions.
Over the years this marketing tactic has evolved. The current trend is to write posts that make women react with empathy and play to our tend and befriend response to stress. So, when a fellow woman writes about being offended or treated unfairly, our instinctive female response is to befriend her and respond with sensitivity and empathy…generating lots of click, “Likes” and comments…which generate revenue.
Coincidentally as I was drafting this article I received an email from a woman’s organization containing a link to a woman who talked about how to generate more followers on social media. About 1 minute into her talk, she said, “create empathy.”
Once you become aware of how we are being manipulated you will see lots of posts and blogs that create an empathetic reaction. Some of the story lines include:
It’s lonely – no one looks like me.
I don’t have a female role model
It feels like everyone is critical
I tried but it was hard to interact with my male coworkers
I feel like no matter what I do, it isn’t good enough
I’m not heard – they don’t listen to my ideas
My dream job turned into a nightmare because of the men
Let’s be honest.
These types of posts don’t help women.
They discourage women.
So, we need to wise up. We need see how women are being used, manipulated and played. How so many efforts to “advance women” are actually designed to hold us back.
We have the power to disrupt the industry so, lets do it. Let’s show that women aren’t just empathetic reactions – we can think and solve situations.
We need to reject empathy-triggering posts and change the discussion. When a post discusses an unfair or offensive action, we need to ask:
What did you do about it?
Did you stand up for yourself?
How did you resolve it?”
What lesson can other women learn from your experience?
We need to demand solutions.
Those of us who are or have been the woman in the room should take the lead in this effort. We should be the biggest advocates and spokeswomen for women. We should seize opportunities to broaden people’s perspectives and even blow a few minds. We should be proud of what we accomplished and the contribution we’e made to advancing women.
Every woman who has been the woman in the room knows it can be challenging and also lonely.
So, let’s give the woman in the room some female companionship.
Let’s make The Woman In The Room, The Women In The Room.
Empowered Women Are Proud To Be The Woman In The Room
