It seems like a really intimidating situation for any woman. But it isn’t – if you understand what is really going on.
Like us, men get frustrated. But unlike women, men don’t “tend and befriend.” They don’t go running to each other to talk about their feelings or what is bothering them. They tend to bury it and keep it inside, periodically letting little bits of their frustration come out.
Many men were conditioned to keep it all bottled up inside. They then use alcohol, smoking, drugs etc. to help suppress their feelings. But then at some point it builds up and they explode – they yell and scream in a long expletive filled rant.
This is their coping mechanism.
For women, being at the receiving end of the rant can be nothing short of traumatic. It can (and has) driven many women out of the male-dominated workplace because we don’t know how to handle it and we take it personally.
To deal with these situations we first have to recognize that the rant isn’t about us. So even though the anger and frustration is directed at us, we don’t have to receive it and absorb it.
We also must recognize that many men work in high pressure jobs where the finger of blame is pointed at them. They are under pressure to make things happen or risk losing their job.
You must win this contract.
You must make $X in revenue.
You must fix this problem by X date
Even men who aren’t under this kind of pressure they can still have the perception that they cannot fail in order to protect their image or status. Consequently, they put a lot of unnecessary extra pressure on themselves.
In either case some men just have a hard time dealing with the stress and pressure of their work environment.
So, we should men’s rants as men trying to cope.
And their inability to deal with deal with it!
Rants are simply about their frustration, stress and being overwhelmed.
Women are often at the receiving end of these rants because men typically pick out “the weakest person” to unload on. They don’t think “the weak person” will fight back or stand up to them
Men don’t want to rant to a person who is going to remind them of their perceived “weakness’ or “failure.” They just one directional rant where they can release the emotion.
So, as hard as it may seem this is why we shouldn’t take these rants personally or believe they say anything about us. They aren’t about us, they are about him. They are about his stress and frustration.
I learned to see men having rants as sad, lost boys crying for help.
As women we are in a unique position to provide that help. We can put our empathy and understanding into action and ask him, “What do you need to get done and what help do you need to get it done?”
Contrary to what we are taught, men are much, much, much more receptive to opening up to women if women just ask the simple question “What do you need help with?”
Men like having a woman, they can trust, who they can be vulnerable with. They like having a Girl Friday to whom they can say “I need X done” and she replies “I’ll take care of it.” That task can be trivial, or it can be significant.
Our willingness to help opens up a goldmine of opportunity for women especially since it is usually our boss or a manager who needs help. We can use it to get our foot in the door, work on issues above our pay grade, give us exposure to the Bigger Picture and build a key relationship. It is an advantage of being the woman in the room that we should take advantage of.
We should also consider that sometimes men unload on us because of issues in their personal life. They need someone to talk to. The man I mentioned at the opening of this article, screamed at me because he was working away from home and his wife just called him to tell him she had brain cancer. His outburst was a huge cry for help.
Of course, not every man will want the help. But we can still help him, even if he doesn’t know it. We do it – not because we are doormat – but because we want to lead our workplace to becoming a supportive team environment.
And it’s amazing how many men will come back later and thank us.
Women who don’t work in a predominantly male environment, may be surprised (shocked)about how much men open up and confide in a female colleague. They will open up and talk to us about anything and everything!!
So, with more women in the workplace, men can find a woman they trust to talk to and vent with. Then as we work through issues, and come together as a team, the number of the emotional rants decrease.
This is just another advantage of women in the workplace.
Empowered Women Offer Their Help
To learn more, watch this YouTube video: