I haven’t written any blogs lately because I’ve been consolidating all of my ideas into a book. It turned out to be more involved and comprehensive than I expected. Now that I am in the editing stages, I am focusing on a central theme – How women’s natural traits are the key to achieving high performance in the workplace.
This is a message we seldom hear.
The greatest female trait is our projection of positive energy. But for women working in the male-dominated workplace it sometimes feels like our ability to do that is being shut down. For reasons we don’t quite understand we feel under attack. Sometimes it is the things our male colleagues say to us that logically shouldn’t upset us but emotionally do. It is as if we know we are trying to enhance the workplace but they don’t see it, they don’t understand, they just don’t get it. Sometimes it is an outright statement that they don’t want to hear from us and our point of view. It makes you want to crawl into a hole so you withdraw. Then when you do, it seems the men get mad at you. And it makes you wonder- what they want from me?
Recently I came across some essays written by Barbara Spraker that speak to the power of feminine energy based on the Tao concept that women hold up half the sky.
She writes:
“So claims an ancient Chinese proverb – “Women Hold Up Half the Sky.” This amazing image doesn’t describe women sitting under the shade tree while men hold up the sky. It doesn’t suggest women are competing with men to hold up the sky. Not at all! What it evokes is a picture of women fully bringing their unique gifts to the task, bringing their ways of holding up the sky.”
Wow! I find that so powerful.
The blog-o-sphere is full of articles right now telling women how unfair the male-dominated workplace is towards women. We hear about how much harder we work but get fewer rewards, pay and promotions. We hear that women are viewed as abrasive and bossy. We hear that if we are not bossy, then we are timid and don’t project self-confidence. We hear that if women are confronted about their “poor behavior” we respond emotionally and irrationally. We hear that our male co-workers manterrupt us and take credit for our ideas. We hear that we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
There are more articles going around about how women don’t speak up in the conference room – but this time there is a new twist. Now we are being told of new perils if we do speak up – we are viewed as being too aggressive and we will be looked at disfavor ably. So what’s the latest message? – We are damned if do and damned if we don’t.
I wonder if this latest finding is because women took the last bit of advice – that women should jump into the fray – be just as aggressive as the men in the room in getting their ideas heard. Since people don’t like aggressive women (or men) the unfavorable feedback is not unexpected. I still curious about the background (actual experience in the male-dominated conference room) of the people who write these articles because having your ideas heard in the conference room is a minor goal.
Being the “idea person” is good, but what really counts, is being the person who implements the good idea – being the leader who puts the idea into action and makes the larger objective happen!
In time no one remembers (or cares) who came up with idea – what they remember is who achieved the objective.
When you are in a conference room and the guys are being loud, voicing their ideas it not just so the boss will say “Bob that is a great idea – you get a gold star.” It is because they want to be selected to be in charge of implementing the idea.
In the logic of the male-dominated workplace, your male peers believe that if they can fend off their competitors they will be chosen to be the leader. In their minds the leader has to defeat competitors so that is why they are so loud. But this is NOT how empowered women should think. This is NOT what empowered women do. Empowered women stay out of the Blue Zone!
Empowered women understand that leaders are not chosen, they do not wait for permission – they just do it.
This is why I wrote my articles on the Power Seat – so you bypass all of the aggressive behavior (“manterruptions”) and go right into being the leader in the conference room. And the great thing about the Power Seat is that it you don’t have to come up with the idea – it is a perfect technique to “bro-opt” back the men!
I have always chosen the projects I want to lead prior to the meeting. I hear about a new objective and I start formulating my execution plan long before the meeting. I have already subtly picked everyone’s brains and rounded up the best ideas. That way when I pitch my idea I have Bob’s, Jim’s and George’s ideas incorporated into my plan – I have them on board with supporting my plan.
Leaders have the execution plan. And that doesn’t require aggression – it is having confidence in yourself a leader because you used the Purple Approach to develop your plan. And you know your plan will work much better than any plan developed by autonomy of your male co-workers.
And one more thing – advise from my friends – there is a way to stop “manterruptions” in a meeting. Just invite a woman over 50 to the meeting. When a young man gets loud and interrupts we have no problem saying in a commanding voice with a stern glare “Excuse me! Someone is speaking and you are being rude. Wait until she is done THEN you may speak.”
Empowered women know that having an idea is good, but implementing good ideas is how they build a career in the male-dominated workplace.
When I entered the Air Force many years ago, I was told that I needed a “Sponsor” to help ensure my rise through the ranks. My Sponsor should be a higher ranking officer who was upwardly mobile. My Sponsor should also have a Sponsor who was a well-connected senior ranking officer who is on track for General’s rank. The trick to the system was picking the right line of Sponsors. At the very top of the officer ranks there were rivalries and the senior officer in your sponsorship line could instantly fall out of favor or lose status to a rival. If either of these happened, the entire line of sponsorship would suffer the consequences and once bright careers would be dead in the water.
The whole concept of sponsorship was to work the politics of the merciless up-or-out system.
In addition to a Sponsor, I also needed a Mentor. Sponsors and Mentors may not be one in the same. Mine were very different. The job of your mentor was to teach the ins and outs of doing the job. My first mentor was my supervisor and his career was in the toilet – but – he knew everything about everything! He mentored two of us and we got exposed to…well…the stuff you don’t see if you have to worry about politics. He was a cowboy who took risks and also took the hits as they came.
I always say that I wish everyone could have the same experiences early in their career as I had in mine. I learned soooo much!!!
But this system that I first learned was inherently male.
