The greatest female trait is our projection of positive energy. But for women working in the male-dominated workplace it sometimes feels like our ability to do that is being shut down. For reasons we don’t quite understand we feel under attack. Sometimes it is the things our male colleagues say to us that logically shouldn’t upset us but emotionally do. It is as if we know we are trying to enhance the workplace but they don’t see it, they don’t understand, they just don’t get it. Sometimes it is an outright statement that they don’t want to hear from us and our point of view. It makes you want to crawl into a hole so you withdraw. Then when you do, it seems the men get mad at you. And it makes you wonder- what they want from me?
Your male colleagues want your power to project positive energy to overcome whatever negative feelings they have. They want you to make them feel better. Sound convoluted? It is!
Men understand that women project positive energy and they need that from us. So anytime we are not doing that they get nervous – they want to know what is wrong. They wonder if they are the cause. If they believe they are, many of men have a hard time knowing how to fix it. Because men don’t have a lot of experience working with women, they may reference back to their wives and/or girlfriends and that makes it worse because now they are projecting personal feelings into a work relationship. They want to fix you, turn the fountain back on again but don’t know how. This is where we need to learn how to do it ourselves and quickly because if we remain withdrawn, then the men will become defensive and suddenly you become the problem.
We hear that women are unfairly criticized at work and wonder why. This is why. If men aren’t seeing positive energy flowing all the time then there is something wrong with us. If we could be perky all the time men would be happy. I wish I could be perky all the time but so often it seems that the positive energy I put out into my workplace quickly dissipates and I feel like I am continuously trying to fill an empty void. It is draining. And if I am not careful I get depleted.
Women need to constantly monitor their energy level and how the energy is flowing. I dream – I fantasize – about those days when I come to work full of positive energy and give bit of it to the workplace and I see the workplace growing in its positive energy. I dread the days when the workplace depletes me and I go home, try to recharge but can’t fully do it so I go back to work with less energy than the day before. That cycle keeps repeating until I feel like I am running on empty all the time. When this happens the question becomes if this is the right workplace for me.
I will write a lot more on this topic because I am fascinated by it and I think it is the most ignored topic of women in the workplace. I talk about Autonomy being critical to men in the workplace, well our ability to project positive energy is just as important to women. This isn’t about giving men what they want, it is about empowering the essence of who we are, the most powerful part of ourselves. Remember True Womanhood and its first virtue of Piety? It said women shine a bright light out into the world. They were right! They also said that women couldn’t take that bright light into the male-dominated workplace because it would be destroyed. That makes sense to me – I completely understand what they afraid of.
So learning how to maintain the proper flow of positive energy from our source, through ourselves and out into the workplace is a female skill we need to get back in touch with. Luckily, I think my friend Kat’s mission in life is to teach us how to do this. Much more to come…
Empowered Women Know Their Positive Energy Changes the World
Hi Dot:
Another great post. I can relate to it and I have seen this play out painfully in the workplace in myself and others. I would summarize it by saying that when men give off a short, stand-off-ish or quasi-negative or concerning vibe–if they are a respected figure–they are largely perceived to be good critical thinkers, or given the space to analyze or dissect the situation and give their feedback or concerns over time. On the contrary, when women give off any degree of non-conformity or negative energy, they are often perceived to be non-cooperative or complainers or emotionally exhausting. I think your hypothesis is pretty accurate. Men are much more comfortable being confronted or challenged by another man, which is what negative energy is–an expression of non-conformity or non-contentment or non-agreement. And any kind of non-satisfactory response or negative feedback from a women is discounted in terms of substance, and labeled as some sort of character flaw. If you really wanted to get to the heart of the matter, this hypothesis at its worst, can be summarized by saying that when men give off negative energy they are more likely to be permitted to do so under the possibility that they may have negative energy or a negative reaction for a potentially good reason (as if they may be onto figuring something out or connecting some dots that others are missing…). When women do it, they are often judged to be problematic.
Another great post. I am serving as the keynote for the NAWIC Florida Region 3 forum this weekend (May 16) in Key Largo, and again at the national NAWIC convention in September in Nashville. I will recommend everyone to visit your blog for more helpful tips on success for women in the construction industry.