Those of you that have read a lot of my articles know I love to give a different perspective anytime there is an issue based on something women do differently from men and there is the assumption that what women do is wrong or inferior. Last week I was going through old emails from my daughter and I came across and article she sent me on how much women use the word “just.”
The article caught my attention because not long ago while editing my book, I tuned in to just how many times I use the word “just” in my writing. It has to be one of my favorite words!
While editing I just deleted the word “just” because it just wasn’t needed – it seems superfluous.
However, according to the woman who wrote the article, women use “just” as a permission word. And using “just” casts women into the “child position” and the person we are speaking to into the “parent position.” For example saying:
“I just want to talk to you about…”
“If I can just get an answer on…”
“I am just seeing how you are doing on…”
The relationship caused by the word “just,” just ruins our credibility.
Now, I know I use these phrases all the time at work. However, I usually preface them with: “Hey, you got a minute? I just want to discuss…“
I know I use the word “just” to establish a limitation or set boundaries. In my writing I use “just” to limit my thoughts and prevent myself from going off on tangents. It helps me remain focused. But if “just” is a bad word for me to use, then should I just say what I am really thinking:
“Hey, you got a minute? I’ve got a lot on my mind and there are 3 things we need to talk about. But I’m not ready to discuss all of them yet and also I don’t have enough time right now. So, I want to discuss this 1 topic.”
Sounds awfully wordy. So to me, saying “just” is just easier.
Given how bad the word “just” supposedly makes women look, I decided to check another source. So, I looked up the word “just” in the dictionary and some of the definitions are:
-
Within a brief preceding time
-
Exactly or precisely
-
Only or merely
Funny, the dictionary doesn’t say “just” is a permission word. But if the “experts” say it is a bad word for women to use, then what happens if we change out “just” and use “only” instead?
“I only want to talk to you about…”
“If I can only get an answer on…”
“I am only seeing how you are doing on…”
Does using “only” do a better job at conveying a limitation or boundaries better? Or do we still sound like we are still asking permission?
Or, do we sound a bit bitchy?
Obviously tone has a lot to do with it. And if a woman is asking a question and sounds all mousey, then there is something wrong. But did you notice all of these examples are examples of interrupting someone? (In which case is it better to sound bitchy or mousey?)
When we interrupt someone, we don’t know what they are working on or how important it is. When we use “just” we are conveying a limitation or boundaries so they can gauge how much time we will need. This allows them to determine if they have time for us. That is being respectful and having some manners.
Suppose instead of using the word “just” we say:
“Excuse me, do you have time to talk about…?”
“Excuse me, do you have an answer for me on…?”
“Excuse me, I want to see how you are doing on…?”
If a woman said that would the “experts” tell us she still be asking permission because children used to be taught to say “excuse me”?
OK. Let’s just get something straight.
Just because women show deference to someone else it doesn’t mean we are timid, insecure or that there is something wrong with us. It doesn’t mean we see ourselves as subordinate or as a child. We just might be using some manners and we just might be showing some respect for someone else.
And there is just nothing wrong with that.
And maybe for that reason alone, I will continue to use the word “just” as much as I want.
One more thing.
Do you know what I just hate?
I just hate it when a man just comes walking into my office and just starts talking to me about something and expects me to just drop what I am doing and pay attention to him and whatever it is he wants to talk about. I just find that rude. Maybe he should just take a few lessons from women in how to use “just.”
Empowered Women Have Manners.
