My freshman year in high school I had to give a speech in front of my class. Before I began I looked out at my audience and saw bored, zoned out faces. I knew no one was listening and no one cared what I said. It seemed a waste of their time and a waste of my time. After that speech I dreaded public speaking. 
When I went into the Air Force, we were told to join Toastmasters so we could learn to be good public speakers. Being a dutiful 2nd Lt. I attended one meeting. The speakers did a good job, they spoke well, made their points but it seemed mechanical. I didn’t feel engaged and I didn’t want to speak like that.
Several months later I was asked to participate in an event. After I accepted I learned I had to make a speech in front of 200-300 people. I was not thrilled. The other participants and I discussed topics and most planned to give the typical and expected “why I went into the Air Force” or “what my country means to me” speech. I knew these safe topics would get me through the speech but they didn’t excite me because they were so expected.
That Friday night I sat at home watching TV which consisted of The Love Boat followed by Fantasy Island. (It was 1983) Halfway through The Love Boat I was getting the munchies and debated running up to the local Mom & Pop market to get something. But what did I want?
I pictured the aisles of the store and what they contained.
That is when it hit me. This is will be the topic of my speech: How to satisfy Friday night munchies.
During my speech I took my audience on a trip up and down the 5 aisles of the little grocery store many of them knew very well. I described what was on the shelves and walked them through my mental process of deciding what to put in my basket. The first aisle was frozen foods so I started with some frozen treats, ice cream with chocolate and caramel sauce. Down the next aisle were salty snacks. I debated between pretzels and goldfish crackers electing to get both. On the other side of the aisle were cookies and who can resist fudge dipped Oreos when you have munchies? The next aisle had condiments and pickles. Sour. Perfect! Sour will balance out all the sweets. Green olives! I love green olives so in the cart they go. On the next aisle I decided to pass on the fruit cocktail and raisins. As I turned down the last aisle I knew I what I was looking for – cheese. I love sharp cheddar with sourdough bread. But if I have bread and cheese then I also have to get some salami. I check out and make it back home while Fantasy Island is on but before Tattoo says “The plane. The plane.” I laid out my smorgasbord and filled all of my munchie cravings.
My speech was a big hit. All through it I heard people laugh. I could tell they were following me through the aisles as they nodded their heads and were deciding what they would get. No one was sleeping or zoned out. Afterwards I got a big round of applause.
From that speech I learned that I have to feel a connection with my audience. That is what makes me feel comfortable and confident in public speaking.
By giving an unconventional speech I learned that I have to feel a connection with my audience. That is what makes me feel comfortable and confident in public speaking. I wonder what would have happened if I spoke using any of the safe expected topics. Would I have ever become really comfortable talking in front of large groups?
I never forgot that. Over the years, I attended a few courses where I was taught the proper way to give a speech. I’ve disregarded most of what I was taught except for how to use visual aids and Power Point to engage people. I always felt the formulas I had to follow to deliver a proper speech were too mechanical. They didn’t excite or energize me. If I was bored and disinterested in my own talk there was no way for me to inspire an audience.
When I give a talk or presentation I try to establish a connection as soon as possible. If the audience is zoned out I start with a funny or quirky statement. I’m not afraid to show emotion or put on an act. Sometimes there is one person who is really engaged and I recognize that person and use that connection to draw in other people.
Today the way I measure the success of a presentation is if the dialog expands because what I said made people think. I like it when the audience takes over, expressing their thoughts and views and I become the moderator of a discussion. We all leave feeling like we learned or accomplished something.
As women, we don’t have to follow the old rules of public speaking. I’ve written a lot recently about how women like to feel amongst or within the group. This applies to public speaking as well. Even if we are standing in front of our audience, when we connect with them we feel we are speaking from amongst them. This is how I learned to be comfortable with public speaking.
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Dot – What a great story and you were way ahead of me. Public speaking didn’t become a challenge until 6 years into my engineering career at a large oil and gas company. The fear was debilitating. Even asking a question during large meetings was impossible being too distracted by my inner battle raging between fear and sense of duty. During a public speaking class, the instructor said I just needed practice, as public speaking was like any other skill. I created a speaking opportunity for myself when an abstract describing my reactions and questions to industry wide company restructurings was accepted for an upcoming conference. At the end of the presentation, I realized it was well received. None of the 200 engineers seemed to care the message was delivered imperfectly by a woman 8 months pregnant. That substance over style message has served me well for 25 years.