Women still talk about being discriminated against in 2016, but is it still a relevant issue for women in today’s male-dominated workplace? Over the past 20 years workplaces have invested great sums of money training themselves and their employees on how to avoid sexual discrimination claims. They know exactly where the lines are drawn.
So, today, no company should have a discrimination suit unless they have employees who are really stupid.
Amazingly I know from personal experience that there are some really stupid men out there.
I had a manager call a meeting about a project that I was a senior leader on and invite all my subordinate male colleagues but not me. Instead he announced in front of everyone that I had three tasks that day:
- Make dinner reservations
- Go buy office supplies
- Pick up his boss at the airport later that day
My very first thought was: How stupid are you? You stepped right into a discrimination claim!
What did he think I was going to do when I picked up his boss and am alone in the car with his boss on the hour long drive back from the airport?
Actually, I didn’t give his boss an earful about discrimination. Instead, I took full advantage of the situation to discuss the project and my views. That discussion continued over dinner. I don’t know if I was supposed to attend the dinner but I did – after all, if I make the reservations you can bet I will include myself. Then the next day I gladly drove the boss back to the airport where we again had a long discussion about the project and I presented my detailed plans to correct the problems he heard about.
Those discussions paid off. So while I was clearly being discriminated against, legally it is hard to claim damages from discrimination since I manipulated the situation to my advantage and advancement.
Unfortunately not every situation can be twisted and taken advantage of. There are still some men who are incredibly stupid – like what rock did you climb out from under, stupid.
A new manager invited me and a male colleague to dinner to get to know us better. That sounds professional except he invited us to a restaurant where the waitresses only wore pasties above their waist. Yes, he invited me to dinner at a gentleman’s club.
I didn’t go to the dinner. Instead I began what turned out to be a very thick folder on this man’s many issues with women.
When faced with discrimination, women face a difficult decision – Do you fight it or just move on?
Too often women expect that if they take their issue to their company, their company will do the right thing. But the company spent a lot of money learning how to obstruct discrimination claims. They too learned how to twist discrimination claims into something that can be ignored.
Decades ago paternalism put all women below all men so even the least valued men, the Omegas, were above women. After spending lots of money on discrimination training, companies learned a little trick to hold women back without it being labeled as discrimination – group women with the Omegas.
With this technique, a manager can take action against all women and a few inconsequential men and get away with it. Companies know that as long as women are not singled out and there are no sexual or gender specific comments or actions, it isn’t discrimination. Companies are legally safe.
While discrimination is a great rallying cry for women, it isn’t the greatest personnel issue women face in the workplace today. Bullying is. And bullying isn’t illegal.
I thought about the women I’ve worked with and can’t think of too many in the past 15 years who haven’t been bullied. As for myself, I lost count of how many times men tried to bully me in order to hold me back or get me removed from my job so they could take it over. I know my number is high because I was in competing with men for the best jobs. However, most of my female colleagues weren’t. They were just targets.
What can we do about workplace bullies?
You have to stand up against them, usually by yourself. Bullies exist in the workplace because they are allowed to. The culture allows it. Bullying is considered a personnel issue for supervisors to address but most won’t. The supervisor either likes the bully and empowers him or the supervisor is bullied themselves. When addressed, bullying gets brushed off as a training issue. Or if the bully is a manager, then the bully just needs more management training. The training however seldom comes or is effective.
Asking HR for help usually doesn’t work – they refer you back to the supervisor. I read that you should make a business case and ask HR or others to stop bullying for their own self-interests. However, twice I’ve found the women in HR who was trying to address an issue in tears herself after being bullied.
You can find allies in the workplace to help you deal with a bully but you have to look hard. You have to find someone who has strong values and isn’t afraid of conflict. I’ve found that people who have military experience especially Marines are a great ally. However, the vast majority of people who are bullied in the workplace eventually leave.
Always remember that bullies exist because they are allowed to. So when you are bullied or see someone else being bullied, you have to ask yourself if you are going to intervene or look the other way. And if you choose to look the other way, can you live with the consequences?
Between discrimination and bullying, bullying is by far a bigger issue in the workplace for women. Discrimination has many legal and financial ramifications making it a risky endeavor. Bullying doesn’t. So why would anyone who wants to put down or hold back a woman act out through discrimination when they can be a bully and get away with it? Bullying is the issue we need to focus on.
Empowered Women Stand Up to Bullies
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Interesting read. Thanks:)
Bullying is NOT legal. It is abusive, and a violation of all workplace safety laws. It just does not have the specific legislation behind it that discrimination does. So, it is difficult to make a strong claim against an employer. Cases are zeroing in on how to make liability attach and legislative efforts are increasing to get lawmakers to write some more specific regulations. Saying that “bullying is not illegal” is not really the characterization we want to promote any further.
One instance of bullying is probably not a big deal, but allowing it to continue, is where the harm starts. Unaddressed, ongoing bullying can breed escalated abuses that lead to real harms – lost employment, lost health, and lost lives.
Bullying is NOT legal, not permissible, and we need to be putting pressure on employers to develop alternatives for aggrieved employees.
As you said there is no specific laws against bullying so it is difficult to make a case. I’ve heard the workplace safety argument but that too is difficult. The only time I’ve seen real intervention is when there was a threat of physical violence. Most workplaces don’t intervene because “someone’s feelings got hurt.” Dealing with a bully is difficult so HR and managers use any out they can to not intervene. The best way I know of – from experience – is for employees to stand up for themselves. You literally have to make it hard for someone to ignore the situation or look the other way. You have to personally build the case and present it. I once turned in a 80 page report documenting how one person was bullying 15 people. We have to teach people, especially women, how to build the documentation. But first we have to tell them they are empowered to stand up for themselves and others – We are empowered to say “No” to bullying.