A few weeks ago while walking my dog in the park I watched a father hit baseballs to his young son. The boy standing in place missed several balls as they hit the ground all around him. His father finally said “You have to run to the ball. Don’t wait for it to come to you.” The boy started moving to meet the ball and even though he didn’t catch the fly balls, he got many of them on the bounce.
I found myself thinking that the father taught his son a great lesson that went well beyond baseball. Don’t wait for things to come to you, you have to run to them and meet them where they are.
I could understand the boy’s hesitation. Running to the ball is scary. It can hit you in the face and give you a black eye. Or you can embarrass yourself if you slip on the grass and fall flat on our face.
Thinking about my trips to the park and watching all the activities boys and men engage in there, it made me wonder how many girls are taught to run to the ball.
Too many girls are still never told they have to run to the ball. Too many aren’t even encouraged to get out there on the field and play. And if they do play and find out they don’t like it, they can quit and go sit on the sidelines. Girls are allowed to play it safe.
Boys aren’t allowed to play it safe. If they don’t like the game or don’t play well, they change positions or find a different game to play. They have to keep playing so they learn how to make things happen for themselves so they keep advancing themselves.
When my girls were growing up they didn’t play ball, they rode horses. At the barn, parents who brought their daughters out for the first time would ask me if riding horses was worthwhile. I would laugh and say “Be prepared for tears. Lots and lots of tears.” Learning to ride a horse and make it go over jumps is hard and sometimes frustrating work. And of course parents were concerned about their daughters falling off and getting hurt. “They will fall off. They may get hurt. But they will have to get back up on that horse again and keep trying.” That is the real lesson.
But are we so afraid of our girls getting hurt – physically or emotionally – that we give them permission to sit on the sidelines?
What would happen if all girls were told like boys are that they had to play and they cannot quit?
What if we taught all girls they have to run to the ball and they have to make things happen for themselves?
Isn’t that real equality?
Or is our thinking about equality limited to: If you want to play, then equality says the boys have to let you play. But if you don’t want to play that’s okay.
If we allow girls to sit on the sidelines, then shouldn’t be surprised that they are more vulnerable as women.
We shouldn’t be surprised that women aren’t equally represented in high positions in government and business.
We shouldn’t be surprised that there are very few self-made female billionaires.
We shouldn’t be surprised that women earn $0.78 to every $1.00 men earn.
We shouldn’t be surprised that women stay in a bad situation at home or at work.
We shouldn’t be surprised about the number of single mothers that are trapped in poverty.
And we shouldn’t be surprised that society hasn’t fully benefitted from the gifts and talents of women.
It seems to me that all girls should be taught to run to the ball. They should be out in the field experiencing what it is like to miss the ball, get hit by the ball and to be laughed at when they slip and fall on their face.
Only when they are out on the field do they build the character to keep trying.
And it only when they keep trying that they learn the exhilaration of running and catching the ball they didn’t expect to catch. It is only then they will hear the crowd cheering “You go girl!”
What girls choose to do with their ability to go for the ball once they are women is up to them. But with the character instilled in them as girls, they know as women they can get out on the field and play. And they know that as they play they will get better and better to the benefit of themselves, their workplace and society.
Megan Martin getting through an obstacle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51V-cY414qg
(Karen O’Connor refusing to fall off her horse: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Du3496C7WwE
Empowered Women:
Run to the Ball,
Get Back on the Horse,
Keep Trying Until They Make it Through the Obstacle
Keep Going
To learn more about the empowerment and value of women in the workplace check out my new book.
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Love this! I recently had an experience with my 4 year old daughter that was difficult as a mom and woman. She begged to sign up for t-ball this spring, so we did. At our first practice, she sat in the dugout and cried…no wailed…because she didn’t want to play. There were no other girls on the team, and she wanted to play soccer. All the other moms gave me very scathing looks as I told her that we committed to playing t-ball, and we would either play or sit in the dugout and support our team because we made a commitment. It was a hard thing to sit next to her and listen to her wail. But eventually it became less scary and she did get out on the field. After practice she ran up to me and was overjoyed with how much fun she had. At that point, I realized that I had made a good decision as a mom of a daughter to make her honor her commitments and make it work.
I agree that too often we allow our girls to sneak out, or quit when the going gets tough, and I am on a mission to not allow myself to do that to my two girls.
Really appreciated the article – life is difficult and we need to help our children learn that they must accept personal responsibility, that trying and failing is not only OK but necessary, and to have the courage to get in the game
Good article!