A few weeks ago a friend and I scheduled to go on a hike up through a canyon. My friend took up hiking about a year ago to the surprise of many of her friends. She doesn’t look like your typical southern Arizona hiker who lives in Birkenstocks and buys all their clothes at Summit Hut.
No, her typical attire is a dress with heels that measure at least 3 inches in height. Her lipstick of choice is bright red. Her hair, fingernails, toenails and eyelashes are always done. She oozes femininity.
When she told me several weeks ago that she wanted to do this hike, but couldn’t get her usual hiking partner to go, I told I’d go with her. We picked a weekend.
Wouldn’t you know that the weekend we picked was the first super-hot day of the year? And we got a later start than we wanted. So when we started out it was already about 90 degrees.
In Arizona we try to take comfort in that at least “it is a dry heat.” But what that really means is that all of the moisture is sucked out of your body as the sun mercilessly beats down, baking you. And being the desert, there are no lovely leafy trees to shade you. There are only rocks to absorb the sun and give off more heat.
So about 3 miles into our climb my friend began to overheat and feel sick. We had to stop and discontinue our hike without reaching our destination.
Naturally she felt embarrassed and disappointed since she is the one who wanted to do this hike. But she didn’t look on it as a failure. She tried. She got 3 miles further than if she sat home always wanting to do the hike but never attempting.
Of course she had a facebook “friend” who had to tell her how she and her kids do that hike all the time. And she posted a picture to prove it. Then she had to mention how she walks 50 miles per week and my friend has no excuse for not walking that much. Then, just to dig the knife in a little deeper, she said she sees people much older than my friend hiking the area all the time.
Yes, there are always people who look for opportunities to judge us as weak and then tear us down further. There are always people who need to discourage us and make us feel inferior.
But I am proud of my friend. I don’t see this as just about hiking. I noticed that when she began hiking she took many other steps to move forward and change her life. I see her hiking as a metaphor for her growing personal strength.
Too often women are seen as the fairer (weaker) sex based purely on physical strength. But strength isn’t just about how much you can physically lift or how far you can run or hike. Strength is actually a mental exercise.
Anyone who works out or participates in a sport knows that doing more and pushing beyond your current state requires mental strength. Whatever our current physical strength is, is our current comfort zone. We can choose to either stay safely tucked away in it or expand it. My friend is choosing to expand hers. She is choosing to challenge herself to do more and be more. She is mentally strong.
Her facebook friend may feel superior for her ability to do the hike and walk 50 miles every week, but does she have the mental strength and courage to expand beyond her current comfort zone? Does she have the mental strength to make some necessary changes in her life?
When I began cycling 10 years ago, riding 45 miles seemed like a really long ride. But now it is a typical Sunday ride. When I decided to ride in El Tour de Tucson for the first time I wanted a challenge – I wanted to have to train. I knew I could do the 65 mile race in my current condition so I challenged myself to train for the 85 mile race. The first time I rode the 85 miles was mentally hard, especially the last 5 miles where I kept asking myself over and over again “Why am I doing this?” But my body pushed through.
The next time I rode it, I knew mentally I could do it so I pushed myself for time and I was the 10th or 12th female finisher. The next time I rode in the 85 mile race I finished 8th and met my time goal. I had a new comfort zone.
Now to challenge myself again, I know what I have to do. I have to do the whole 109 mile ride.
Mentally I am whining like a little kid “I don’t wanna!” And I have all kinds of excuses to feed my mental whining. For years I told myself that I am not a long distance rider. That feeds into the idea that I am now too old for long distances. I tell myself that because I didn’t ride for almost two years I am too out of shape and too old to get in shape by November. Besides it’s summer and too hot to train long distances. And if all that doesn’t work, my last ditch excuse is that even if I am in phenomenal shape my daughter moved to Dallas and can’t be my support during the race. I tell myself I can’t ride without a personal support team even though there are plenty of support stops along the route.
Those are all mental excuses and I know it. I know that physically I can do it – I can finish in a reasonable time. I certainly won’t be breaking any records but I won’t be dead last either.
I know when I sign up I will be whining. I know all during the race I will be whining and towards the end sniveling.
But as soon as I cross the finish line I know I will say “That wasn’t as bad as I thought. I could have gone faster.”
The mental challenge will be won and I will be ready to take on the physical challenge of improving my time. My mental strength will push me physically during the next race.
As women we aren’t always taught how to interchangeably use our physical and mental strength to push ourselves further. Too often our society equates strength with the physical and since women generally aren’t as physically strong as men, we aren’t seen as mentally strong either. We are cast as being emotional and as falling apart or crying when challenged. It is as if we are led to believe we are mentally weak so we don’t push or challenge ourselves; so we give up before we even try, thereby perpetuating the myth.
But after working with thousands of men, I would declare that most women are definitely mentally stronger than men. This is why women have the trait of Stress Endurance. We can be Energizer bunnies that just keep going and going and going. We use our mental strength to discover our current physical limitations and then expand it.
My friend discovered a physical limitation during our hike. But her mental strength is pushing her courageously forward to make big changes in her life and move out of her current comfort zone. Through those changes she will clear a path that allows her to grow in her physical strength. I have no doubt that she will keep growing and expanding her comfort zone. And I have no doubt that she will expand it far enough to meet her goal of hiking the Camino de Santiago.
And then I am going to drag her butt up Machu Picchu with me.
Empowered Women Grow in Their Personal Strength
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