A magazine published an article about the advances women are making in construction. To my surprise the article featured a former co-worker of mine and painted a pretty rosy picture. Reading the article it sounds like women have finally achieved parity with men in construction.
There’s only one problem…all the stuff the article didn’t mention.
A few weeks after I got to my large construction project in the-middle-of-nowhere New Mexico, I walked into the superintendent’s area and found most of my staff deep in discussion about a process. A functional manager within the company distributed the process dictating – It must be followed! No one on my staff agreed with the process. It was clear that the process was written from the perspective of the functional manager and the perspectives from other functional areas wasn’t considered.
I initiated an impromptu meeting to come up with our version of the process. The men who reported to the functional manager were concerned about not following the dictated process but I told them not to worry about it – my job was to sell our process to the larger group of senior managers and explain why it is better.
I then asked what other processes we needed to look at and boy, did I open a can of worms! I decided to formalize my Process meeting.
An article titled “Another Woman Makes It In Construction” caught my attention. The article was about a woman who was retiring after a successful career in construction industry. Cool! As I read further into the article, I learned that her career was not as I expected. She was the Treasurer and financial manager for a construction company and not directly involved in the construction projects. She did not estimate projects or go out to the construction site. I was disappointed in the article.
Even more so, I felt misled. The title said she was “In Construction” instead of “In the Construction Industry”. To me being “in construction” means you have construction expertise.
In the months since reading the article I’ve been experimenting – what response do I get if I say “I’m in construction.” Most of the time I get a surprised look and get asked if I am a trade worker. So I don’t think my response to the article was unreasonable.
This article got me thinking though – How honest are we being about how women are progressing in business? Are we painting a rosier picture than reality?? And if so, why??
As I write my articles I find myself correcting my writing based upon the counseling session I had with a manager many years ago. He did not like it when I referred to my direct reports as “My Team.” He wanted me to say “The Team”. I didn’t like saying that. Even as I write today, I find myself changing “my” to “the” and back again.
So the question I’ve struggled with is – which is correct to say – “My Team” OR “The Team?”
I tell women to learn their company’s operating and management systems as a foundation for building a success career. But most women (and men) have never been taught how to think in terms of systems or how to map out processes so my advice may seem daunting.
If you took the initiative to search the web you may have been overwhelmed. Mapping processes seems complicated! There are symbols that you use to create diagrams to convey specific functions. The experts have names that require you to twist and contort your mouth in an attempt to pronounce. And it seems everyone has a PhD.
But the reality is that you don’t have to make it complicated for most of your purposes. No one needs to be well versed in systems or processes design. Here’s how I got a project started on mapping its processes.
When you are a woman entering a traditionally male role you will be focused on your relationships with your male peers and supervisors. But you also need to focus on your relationships with your female co-workers in traditional jobs. You may assume that the women in the office will be cheering for your success however your presence may be as uncomfortable for them as it is for the men
We are told that to rise to the top 1% you have to be very aggressive…cutthroat even. A week ago two billionaires –Carl Icahn and Bill Ackman – went at each other live on CNBC. It was re-aired several times, billed as the “Clash of the Titans” or “The Battle of the Billionaires”. It was ugly. Commentators decided that the battle was very personal. Is this the type of confrontation that they believe keeps women from getting to the top? Do personal attacks make you recede and give up?
During my construction career I witnessed a lot of these “battles” and have participated in my share of them. It is one of the things I hated the most about my job! They wore me down and frustrated me because I thought they were just a plain stupid waste of time and energy. I had more important things to deal with than arbitrary posturing. Eventually I learned better ways to react to these incidents.
I read a book by Chrystia Freeland called Plutocrats – The Rise Of The New Global Super-Rich And The Fall Of Everyone Else. I was interested in the subject because I saw parallels to my Swamp War articles and several ideas I had swimming around in my head.
What are Plutocrats? They are the extremely wealthy class who (supposedly) rule and influence the world based on their wealth. Unlike plutocrats of the past who inherited the wealth, most of today’s plutocrats are self-made millionaires and billionaires, coming from ordinary backgrounds.
Why is it important that women understand Plutocrats?
Because as a society we measure success by wealth and because so few plutocrats are women. Chrystia writes “Consider the 2012 Forbes billionaire list. Just 104 of the 1,226 billionaires are women.” (8%) “Subtract the wives, daughters and widows and you are left with a fraction of that already small number.”
I came across a letter that I want to share with women. This letter is VERY Blue Zone and meant to inspire the overwhelmingly male managers within the company to achieve the 2013 financial goals. I am curious as to women’s reaction to this letter. Does it inspire you?
This is the actual letter – I have not changed much – I left out the company name and specific financial information. But I did keep in all the exclamation points!
I haven’t been able to write while I helped my mother during her declining health. At her funeral some family members noted that she was a woman ahead of her times – she was very independent and went after what she wanted. My mother pursued a nursing career and didn’t marry until later in life. She loved to travel and even as a young woman in the 1940’s ventured out across the country.
Because of my parents I did not grow up with the stereotypes. Neither of my parents believed that a woman’s sole role was to marry and have children. In my father’s family all the women back to his grandmother went to college. He was adamant that life was unpredictable so women cannot rely on a man to always be there to support them. Women should have the education and/or skills to support themselves.
I came up with the concept of Swamp Wars about two years ago. It stemmed from my work experiences and for a while I thought it was unique to my industry because we have so many classic Alligator Slayers. But as I wrote this series of articles (Swamp Wars and The Rachel Letter) the national political conventions were held and politics fills the “news” media. Over the past year, I’ve seen huge similarities between what I experienced at work and what I see happening in our politics. I am now convinced that Swamp Wars is more than just my unique work experience – it is part of our society. Swamp Wars is a recent phenomenon and something women need to understand because it is having a significant impact on our ability to advance at work.
In the season 3 finale and the season 4 premier of Friends, Ross and Rachel decide to get back together. But Rachel has one condition – she writes Ross a long letter in which she describes everything that went wrong with the relationship and Ross has to accept full responsibility. Ross, anxious to get back together with Rachel lies and says he read the letter – twice – and agrees to everything in the letter. As he learns what he agreed to he is unable to keep up the charade. Ross finally comes clean and admits that he fell asleep reading the letter – it was 18 pages long – front and back!
Women understand Rachel’s letter. It is a pure pink female masterpiece – long, citing every incident no matter how trivial in exacting detail.
Believe it or not our ability to write these types of letters comes in handy when working with men. I have written several business “Rachel letters.” It is one of the few times I get to venture towards the Pink end of the spectrum and frolic in my female characteristics with abandon.
Last week while I was in that semiconscious state of falling asleep with the TV on, I heard the TV characters talking about Odysseus and how he was the classic hero. The characters went on to discuss how humans love heroes. Then one character questioned the other “What do heroes always need?” The answer was “Problems. We have to have problems so we can have heroes.” That’s when I bolted upright and said out loud – “That’s what I always talk about!”
Years ago, I first wrote about my version of Odysseus – the Great American Alligator Slayer. In our society he is our traditional hero. He is strong, dominating and intimidating. In most companies he is found in Operations departments – the “make it happen” departments. When we are up to our waists in alligators (problems) he is who we look to, to slay the alligators.
But in recent years, our classic hero has been challenged for his top status. In my article Baby Boomer Men – Status Driven, I discussed that there are now 3 additional groups of men – Planners, Geeks and Intellectuals – who also believe they should enjoy the top rung on the status ladder.
Because I already named two of these four groups of men as Great American Alligator Slayers and Swamp Drainers, I’ve decided to have a little fun and call this new battle for status “Swamp Wars.”
When women entered the workplace in the 1970’s there was so much talk about women doing it all and the conflict of having a career and raising a family. Growing up in that era, it seemed we had such a short time to get it all done. We grew up hearing about working 30 years and retiring with a pension. The retirement age was 60. Life expectancy for men was 68 and for women 76.
Today life expectancy is 78 for men and 82 for women. My mother is 89. Baby boomers who were raised expecting to retire by 60 are now retiring at 65 and 67. Baby boomers who are younger than 55, can now expect their full retirement age (based on Social Security) to be 70…at least.
Wow – 50 years – that’s a long time to work!
When I saw the American swimmers video of Call Me Maybe I had to laugh at my first thought – They are such girls!! Wait!! I am saying that about Olympic swimmers?!! I remember back in the 70’s and 80’s when we questioned the true gender of the Eastern European swimmers. The conspiracy – were they women who were shot so full of hormones that they are now men OR were they men who were made into “women”? In either case, it showed how we thought back then – that women have to be turned into men in order to rise to the top.
Last week Meghan Casserly of Forbes published an article – Every Man You Work With Thinks You Want to Sleep With Him. This article raised some eyebrows. Is this true? Do the men we work with look at us sexually even though we have platonic relationships? And is it true that it doesn’t matter if we are in a relationship – they still think we want to sleep with them??
Meghan has an attention getting headline and her article has some truth. But it doesn’t explain what men are really thinking and how we as women can control this situation. So, let me explain.
First, the article addressed men and women in their twenties. So, we expect more hormonal responses at that age. As for the rest of us, have the men we work with thought about each of us sexually? Do they discuss us sexually amongst themselves? Short answer – Yes.
But before the femininst in you gets worked up, understand what they are doing.
First, recognize that men have a pack or herd mentality. When you join the office, you become part of their pack. You are one of them.
Second, men don’t believe women should be sexually unattached. The idea of the lone female just doesn’t compute. The lone female must be pursued and matched to a man, just like every female in the wild must be mated to a male.
Putting these two thoughts together the male pack you work with believes you should be mating with another member of the pack. You are their woman.
When you start working at a new office the first thing the guys will want to know about you is your availability – which is not defined by you or your relationship status. Meghan’s article was right about that. What they do care about is whether or not another man has staked a sign out in front of you saying “Do Not Touch – She Is Mine.” If your male office mates make an advance on you, is a man going to step forward and challenge them?
That is the critical question! In order to keep the men you work with from thinking of you as sexually available you must place a man between you and them. It doesn’t matter if you are married or single.
So, if you are married or in a relationship, you need to introduce your man to your male co-workers as soon as possible. If your man can come to the office that is great. He is coming onto their turf and he should instinctively know what to do.
If you are single and don’t have a boyfriend you can adopt a big brother. If you are a woman working away from home, or if your man is not home, you should also have a big brother. Basically, this is a man who will stake out a sign that says “To Get To Her You Have to Go Through Me.” A big brother can be a friend or even a co-worker. He just needs to have one important characteristic – he should be a guy your office mates will like and want to join their pack.
Even after you introduce your man or big brother to your office mates, they need to bond. Make sure your man comes to the next office social event, group lunch or happy hour. Once your guy is part of the pack, all is good in the world. Men generally respect other pack members’ relationships.
If you are thinking you can handle this on your own, or that if you don’t talk about your personal or dating life, then the guys won’t either, you are mistaken. Even if all the men in your office are happily married and no one is personally interested in you, a man in another office will see you as an opportunity.
The good news is your male co-workers will form the first line of defense – the perks of being a member of the pack. The outsider will approach them first, asking about your availability. If your co-workers believe you are available and they like the outsider, they will encourage him. If you have produced a big brother, your office mates will generally approach you first and let you know someone is interested. If your office mates don’t like the outsider or you decide you don’t, they will step in and keep him away. After all you are part of their pack and as such get their protection.
Are you wondering if there is an age we will reach when we can expect this game to end? Will we ever be too old for this game or will we just trade the workplace for the retirement community?!
It sounds like we haven’t progressed too far in the past 40 or so years. That as a woman we still can’t go to work and be seen only as a professional. It seems absurd that we need to use a man to keep our male co-workers under control. Frustrating as that is, we also need to do it to keep their wives under control. The only thing worse than being viewed as a sexually available woman by your male co-workers is being viewed as sexually available by a jealous wife! But I will address that in a future article that I have already titled Wives and Knives!
Last week Meghan Casserly of Forbes published an article – Every Man You Work With Thinks You Want to Sleep With Him. This article raised some eyebrows. Is this true? Do the men we work with look at us sexually even though we have platonic relationships? And is it true that it doesn’t matter if we are in a relationship – they still think we want to sleep with them??
Meghan has an attention getting headline and her article has some truth. But it doesn’t explain what men are really thinking and how we as women can control this situation. So, let me explain.
I built my career on being the person who turned around failing operations and projects. It is really hard work and extremely stressful. It wasn’t until I wrote my article on men and work hours that I really started questioning why I (and the other women in the office) stay in there and do the hard work while the men eventually give up and disappear. I wrote that men have a limit on the number of hours they really work and the amount of stress they could handle. After doing a little research I learned just how right my experiences have been.
Women discuss their work and family conflicts but we often forget this is not just a female issue. The reality is that men today have many of the same family and life conflicts as their female co-workers. How many of your male coworkers and managers are divorced or have a working wife? Or have a stay at home wife who still expects her husband to share equally in raising the kids? Probably most of them.
