When I started my career there was a common saying about women who went into non-traditional career fields: “They are looking for a man or they want to be a man.”
Think about the two extreme options this statement presents for women. Our choices are that we are desperate to get married or that we have a gender identity issue.
Not too long ago the expectation was that once a woman married, she would soon become pregnant, quit working and opt for the life of a housewife. And many of my fellow female engineers (and STEM) did this. The top female engineering student at my college graduated a year early so she could get married! Even though she had her pick of jobs and was offered more money than any other student, she took an intern position with Junior League. We all questioned why she even got an engineering degree in, let alone do it in 3 years!
Over time I saw most of my female peers leave engineering and live more traditional lives. (more…)
Have you ever noticed years that singers have their biggest hits when they sing songs that they pick or write themselves, not what the industry tells them to sing? They do best when they connect with a song that expresses who they really are.
When I think about this Garth Brooks always comes to mind – not quite country and not quite rock. He didn’t try to fit into a music industry genre – he created his own. There is something energizing and powerful about that.
Being around a lot of women entrepreneurs lately, I noticed that women start businesses that are an expression of who they are. Their businesses have a meaning or purpose to them. Women personally connect with their businesses. (more…)
Monday morning I was finishing up this article asthe news came on about the Boston Marathon terrorist attack. I decided to re-write it since I talk about a study I did on terrorism several years ago.
Back in 1985 when I was an Air Force 1st Lt. I had a project dumped on me. Originally it was assigned to someone else but they dropped the ball leaving me 6 weeks to complete a 4 month project. My assignment – conduct an Energy Vulnerability Assessment to determine the mission impact if a terrorist disrupted the water, electricity and/or natural gas supply to Minot AFB.
In a bit of a panic I called the project’s manager and explained my situation hoping for a time extension. He told me not to worry, that this was a preliminary idea gathering study and there would be follow-on work.
After talking to him, I had an idea. What they really wanted to know was if terrorism could impact the base’s mission. Could terrorism keep Minot AFB’s B-52’s and Minuteman missiles grounded? That would require taking down the command and control system. (more…)
I never really liked my tag line “Empowering Women for Success in the Male-Dominated Workplace.”
To me it sounds kind of blah-blah, boring typical professional language. I always felt it was missing something – that it wasn’t exactly hitting the mark of what I needed to say, but I haven’t known what was off.
Sometimes as I am writing my articles I find myself reading my words and saying “Blah, blah, blah, blah,” same old stuff. I then trash it and rewrite using the words and expressions I like. Over time I have noticed that what I am rejecting is all of the professional words and thoughts that have been drilled into me throughout my career. They just seem so freaking dull!
Why are they so dull? Because they are male! I want to express myself as a woman and women have emotion! We have vibrancy and enthusiasm! (more…)
I have – many times – “You are the most infuriating woman I’ve ever known!”
Even though it was meant to belittle me, I take it as a compliment. My reply is simply “Thank you.”
The scenarios in which I’ve been called infuriating are always the same – a man is trying to intimidate me.
Years ago, I was hired into a company that had just bought another company. A female manager I supervised who had been part of the old company wanted my position. She was very upset she didn’t get it. She rallied the other male manager I supervised to fight her battle for her.
God, was he obnoxious!
He openly threatened me, challenged me and refused to do things according to the new procedures. Together they spread rumors that I was incompetent. But I didn’t back down. So one day he came into my office and went off.
I just sat back in my chair, looked at him and said “You need to leave.”
After several weeks, I finally got clearance from HR to discipline him. I called him into my office and stood in front of my desk while he sat in a chair. I explained the problem and told him that he had to either get on board with the corporate changes or I will force his departure.
I told him the choice was his: “Get on board or there’s the door.”
He started to yell at me. I didn’t react. I simply repeated and motioned “Either get on board or there’s the door.” That is all I said. I probably said it five more times before he screamed “You are the most infuriating woman I’ve ever known!”
“Thank you. Now you need to use the door and leave.”
A few weeks later, I went to his office to give him an assignment which I knew he would challenge. I stood in front of his desk and told him what needed to be done. As I expected he challenged me. Then he did a body language power play.
He pushed back in his chair, leaned way back and opened up his chest, arms and legs – you know the position. He was trying to make himself look really big and intimidating.
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But there was just one problem.
The way he was sitting back pulled his pants really tight across the crotch area leaving nothing to the imagination. And right there, front and center, was a hole just below the bottom of the zipper. I could see his tighty-whities through the hole. I started to laugh.
(All these years later this image is still emblazoned on my brain!)
I choked down my laugh. But all I really wanted to do was bust out hysterically!
To regain control, I put my hands down on his desk and leaned over to hide my face. Every time I lifted my head I saw the hole and started to laugh. I then had to lower my head again. It seemed like I was positioning myself to stare at his crotch. This made him so uncomfortable! (Yes, I enjoyed that part of it.) Eventually he sat back up and folded his hands in his lap like a demure little schoolboy.
As I turned to leave his office, he once again said, “You are the most infuriating woman!”
I looked back at him, let out a big smile and proudly said, “Yes I am.”
He soon used to the door himself and found another job.
I learned that the best response to a man intimidating you is to be infuriating. Do nothing. Don’t engage. Just look at him.
Let him stand there and act like a jerk. Pull out a nail file and do your nails and look at him as if to say “let me know when you are done embarrassing yourself.”
Just because a man is trying to dominate and intimidate who says we have to respond?
When men try to intimidate each other they engage in a battle for power – who is going to come out on top. That’s what men do. But we are women. We don’t need to engage, we don’t need to play the game, we don’t need to go into the Blue Zone.
So, don’t advance. Don’t retreat. Stay where you are – don’t act or react based on their behavior. Show their behavior is powerless.
Take a line from Macbeth – “full of sound and fury signifying nothing.” I have mumbled that line countless times listening to men go off. There is power in thinking this way.
I love being called “infuriating.” To me it is one of the greatest compliments about my personal strength.
Empowered women know the power of being infuriating.
It’s hard for me to believe that after 30 years, women are still discussing working versus spending time with family – it is an issue we should have settled years ago. It’s actually very simple – do what you think is best for you and your family.
You don’t have to meet anyone else’s expectations.
You don’t need to justify your decisions.
Just be realistic about what you and your family really need.
I was part of the generation of working women who first got embroiled in this debate. If a woman didn’t work then she wasn’t contributing to the feminist cause. If she gave up working to stay home, then she was a drop out – she didn’t have what it took to have a career and was hiding behind her children to mask the truth.
It seems every discussion lately about working women is tied to the term “work-life balance.”
Having been there, done that – I don’t get it! I don’t know what the issue is or what point women are trying to make.
Are women trying to justify leaving work to watch the kids at soccer practice? Are they seeking recognition for carrying a greater load in taking care of their children and homes?
Or are they setting “work-life balance” as a higher moral purpose – as a rationalization to why we are not advancing up the corporate ladder?
No matter what the reason is, I don’t see women coming from a position of strength and empowerment in this discussion. It seems we are trying to justify what we are doing. Instead we should take a lesson from men and just do it!
I’ve looked at a lot of company websites lately and notice that there are a lot more women listed in the staff and corporate officer pages. Can it be – women are finally breaking through the corporate ranks?!! Being me, I always do a little more reading – where is the company headquarters, where are their key markets and critical clients. Then I start matching up this information to the staff and see who is running what.
I’ve noticed a trend. Yes! – Women are definitely running more corporate offices – in Timbuktu!
A magazine published an article about the advances women are making in construction. To my surprise the article featured a former co-worker of mine and painted a pretty rosy picture. Reading the article it sounds like women have finally achieved parity with men in construction.
There’s only one problem…all the stuff the article didn’t mention. (more…)
An article titled “Another Woman Makes It In Construction” caught my attention. The article was about a woman who was retiring after a successful career in construction industry. Cool! As I read further into the article, I learned that her career was not as I expected. She was the Treasurer and financial manager for a construction company and not directly involved in the construction projects. She did not estimate projects or go out to the construction site. I was disappointed in the article.
Even more so, I felt misled. The title said she was “In Construction” instead of “In the Construction Industry”. To me being “in construction” means you have construction expertise.
In the months since reading the article I’ve been experimenting – what response do I get if I say “I’m in construction.” Most of the time I get a surprised look and get asked if I am a trade worker. So I don’t think my response to the article was unreasonable.
This article got me thinking though – How honest are we being about how women are progressing in business? Are we painting a rosier picture than reality?? And if so, why?? (more…)
As I write my articles I find myself correcting my writing based upon the counseling session I had with a manager many years ago. He did not like it when I referred to my direct reports as “My Team.” He wanted me to say “The Team”. I didn’t like saying that. Even as I write today, I find myself changing “my” to “the” and back again.
So the question I’ve struggled with is – which is correct to say – “My Team” OR “The Team?” (more…)
We are told that to rise to the top 1% you have to be very aggressive…cutthroat even. A week ago two billionaires –Carl Icahn and Bill Ackman – went at each other live on CNBC. It was re-aired several times, billed as the “Clash of the Titans” or “The Battle of the Billionaires”. It was ugly. Commentators decided that the battle was very personal. Is this the type of confrontation that they believe keeps women from getting to the top? Do personal attacks make you recede and give up?
During my construction career I witnessed a lot of these “battles” and have participated in my share of them. It is one of the things I hated the most about my job! They wore me down and frustrated me because I thought they were just a plain stupid waste of time and energy. I had more important things to deal with than arbitrary posturing. Eventually I learned better ways to react to these incidents. (more…)
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