Author: admin1

  • Discriminate or Bully?

    Women still talk about being discriminated against in 2016, but is it still a relevant issue for women in today’s male-dominated workplace?   Over the past 20 years workplaces have invested great sums of money training themselves and their employees on how to avoid sexual discrimination claims.  They know exactly where the lines are drawn.27245377_m

    So, today, no company should have a discrimination suit unless they have employees who are really stupid.

    Amazingly I know from personal experience that there are some really stupid men out there.

    I had a manager call a meeting about a project that I was a senior leader on and invite all my subordinate male colleagues but not me.  Instead he announced in front of everyone that I had three tasks that day:

    1. Make dinner reservations
    2. Go buy office supplies
    3. Pick up his boss at the airport later that day

    My very first thought was: How stupid are you?  You stepped right into a discrimination claim!

    What did he think I was going to do when I picked up his boss and am alone in the car with his boss on the hour long drive back from the airport?

    Actually, I didn’t give his boss an earful about discrimination.  Instead, I took full advantage of the situation to discuss the project and my views.  That discussion continued over dinner.  I don’t know if I was supposed to attend the dinner but I did – after all, if I make the reservations you can bet I will include myself.  Then the next day I gladly drove the boss back to the airport where we again had a long discussion about the project and I presented my detailed plans to correct the problems he heard about.

    Those discussions paid off.  So while I was clearly being discriminated against, legally it is hard to claim damages from discrimination since I manipulated the situation to my advantage and advancement.

    Unfortunately not every situation can be twisted and taken advantage of.  There are still some men who are incredibly stupid – like what rock did you climb out from under, stupid.

    A new manager invited me and a male colleague to dinner to get to know us better.  That sounds professional except he invited us to a restaurant where the waitresses only wore pasties above their waist.  Yes, he invited me to dinner at a gentleman’s club.

    I didn’t go to the dinner.  Instead I began what turned out to be a very thick folder on this man’s many issues with women.

    When faced with discrimination, women face a difficult decision – Do you fight it or just move on?

    Too often women expect that if they take their issue to their company, their company will do the right thing.  But the company spent a lot of money learning how to obstruct discrimination claims.  They too learned how to twist discrimination claims into something that can be ignored.

    Decades ago paternalism put all women below all men so even the least valued men, the Omegas, were above women.  After spending lots of money on discrimination training, companies learned a little trick to hold women back without it being labeled as discrimination – group women with the Omegas.

    With this technique, a manager can take action against all women and a few inconsequential men and get away with it.  Companies know that as long as women are not singled out and there are no sexual or gender specific comments or actions, it isn’t discrimination.  Companies are legally safe.

    While discrimination is a great rallying cry for women, it isn’t the greatest personnel issue women face in the workplace today.  Bullying is.  And bullying isn’t illegal.

    I thought about the women I’ve worked with and can’t think of too many in the past 15 years who haven’t been bullied.  As for myself, I lost count of how many times men tried to bully me in order to hold me back or get me removed from my job so they could take it over.  I know my number is high because I was in competing with men for the best jobs.  However, most of my female colleagues weren’t.  They were just targets.

    What can we do about workplace bullies?

    You have to stand up against them, usually by yourself.  Bullies exist in the workplace because they are allowed to.  The culture allows it.  Bullying is considered a personnel issue for supervisors to address but most won’t.  The supervisor either likes the bully and empowers him or the supervisor is bullied themselves.  When addressed, bullying gets brushed off as a training issue.  Or if the bully is a manager, then the bully just needs more management training.  The training however seldom comes or is effective.

    Asking HR for help usually doesn’t work – they refer you back to the supervisor.  I read that you should make a business case and ask HR or others to stop bullying for their own self-interests.  However, twice I’ve found the women in HR who was trying to address an issue in tears herself after being bullied.

    You can find allies in the workplace to help you deal with a bully but you have to look hard.  You have to find someone who has strong values and isn’t afraid of conflict.  I’ve found that people who have military experience especially Marines are a great ally.  However, the vast majority of people who are bullied in the workplace eventually leave.

    Always remember that bullies exist because they are allowed to.  So when you are bullied or see someone else being bullied, you have to ask yourself if you are going to intervene or look the other way.  And if you choose to look the other way, can you live with the consequences?

    Between discrimination and bullying, bullying is by far a bigger issue in the workplace for women.  Discrimination has many legal and financial ramifications making it a risky endeavor.  Bullying doesn’t.  So why would anyone who wants to put down or hold back a woman act out through discrimination when they can be a bully and get away with it?  Bullying is the issue we need to focus on.

    Empowered Women Stand Up to Bullies  

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  • How I Got Over My Fear of Public Speaking

    My freshman year in high school I had to give a speech in front of my class.  Before I began I looked out at my audience and saw bored, zoned out faces.  I knew no one was listening and no one cared what I said.  It seemed a waste of their time and a waste of my time.  After that speech I dreaded public speaking.    16489621_m

    When I went into the Air Force, we were told to join Toastmasters so we could learn to be good public speakers.  Being a dutiful 2nd Lt. I attended one meeting.  The speakers did a good job, they spoke well, made their points but it seemed mechanical.  I didn’t feel engaged and I didn’t want to speak like that.    

    Several months later I was asked to participate in an event.  After I accepted I learned I had to make a speech in front of 200-300 people.  I was not thrilled.  The other participants and I discussed topics and most planned to give the typical and expected “why I went into the Air Force” or “what my country means to me” speech.  I knew these safe topics would get me through the speech but they didn’t excite me because they were so expected. 

    That Friday night I sat at home watching TV which consisted of The Love Boat followed by Fantasy Island.  (It was 1983)  Halfway through The Love Boat I was getting the munchies and debated running up to the local Mom & Pop market to get something.  But what did I want? 

    I pictured the aisles of the store and what they contained.

    That is when it hit me.  This is will be the topic of my speech: How to satisfy Friday night munchies.

    During my speech I took my audience on a trip up and down the 5 aisles of the little grocery store many of them knew very well.  I described what was on the shelves and walked them through my mental process of deciding what to put in my basket.  The first aisle was frozen foods so I started with some frozen treats, ice cream with chocolate and caramel sauce.  Down the next aisle were salty snacks.  I debated between pretzels and goldfish crackers electing to get both.  On the other side of the aisle were cookies and who can resist fudge dipped Oreos when you have munchies?  The next aisle had condiments and pickles.  Sour.  Perfect!  Sour will balance out all the sweets.  Green olives!  I love green olives so in the cart they go.  On the next aisle I decided to pass on the fruit cocktail and raisins.  As I turned down the last aisle I knew I what I was looking for – cheese.  I love sharp cheddar with sourdough bread.  But if I have bread and cheese then I also have to get some salami.  I check out and make it back home while Fantasy Island is on but before Tattoo says “The plane.  The plane.”  I laid out my smorgasbord and filled all of my munchie cravings.      

    My speech was a big hit.  All through it I heard people laugh.  I could tell they were following me through the aisles as they nodded their heads and were deciding what they would get.  No one was sleeping or zoned out.  Afterwards I got a big round of applause.     

    From that speech I learned that I have to feel a connection with my audience.  That is what makes me feel comfortable and confident in public speaking. 

     

    By giving an unconventional speech I learned that I have to feel a connection with my audience.  That is what makes me feel comfortable and confident in public speaking. I wonder what would have happened if I spoke using any of the safe expected topics.  Would I have ever become really comfortable talking in front of large groups? ​

    I never forgot that.  Over the years, I attended a few courses where I was taught the proper way to give a speech.  I’ve disregarded most of what I was taught except for how to use visual aids and Power Point to engage people.  I always felt the formulas I had to follow to deliver a proper speech were too mechanical.  They didn’t excite or energize me.  If I was bored and disinterested in my own talk there was no way for me to inspire an audience.

    When I give a talk or presentation I try to establish a connection as soon as possible.  If the audience is zoned out I start with a funny or quirky statement.  I’m not afraid to show emotion or put on an act.  Sometimes there is one person who is really engaged and I recognize that person and use that connection to draw in other people. 

    Today the way I measure the success of a presentation is if the dialog expands because what I said made people think.  I like it when the audience takes over, expressing their thoughts and views and I become the moderator of a discussion.  We all leave feeling like we learned or accomplished something. 

    As women, we don’t have to follow the old rules of public speaking.  I’ve written a lot recently about how women like to feel amongst or within the group.  This applies to public speaking as well.  Even if we are standing in front of our audience, when we connect with them we feel we are speaking from amongst them.  This is how I learned to be comfortable with public speaking.    

    Empowered Women Aren’t Afraid to be Big Stars!

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  • You Don’t Have To Have All Of The Answers

    Last week a friend called me completely freaked out about a short notice presentation she has to give.  Her topic is on an innovation idea she’s been promoting to add protein to diets in developing countries.  But without much support to date, she hasn’t fully developed her idea.  This presentation is her first major recognition and opportunity to implement her idea.   17105070_m

    As she talked she didn’t sound like herself.  She was feeling intense pressure to complete months of work on how to implement her idea in the two weeks prior to her talk.  To make matters worse, she didn’t have any details on the environment her audience lives in.  So even if she came up with an implementation plan, she didn’t know if it was even feasible in their environment.  She had a lot of questions and even more anxiety from not having any answers.       

    After listening to her for a few minutes it was clear to me that her perspective was off.  She was caught up in the idea that as “the expert” she had to stand up in front of her audience with a scripted presentation detailing the step by step instructions on how to implement her idea.  What sounded odd is that she expected to deliver a one-directional presentation.  She will talk and they will listen.  She will tell them what to do and they will carry her instructions back to their villages to implement.  It sounded robotic and impersonal which isn’t her personality at all.  She likes to engage and interact with people.    

    Before I knew what I was saying, I blurted out “Stop thinking like a man.  You don’t have to have all the answers!” 

    She stopped talking for a moment, took a big sigh of relief and say “Thank you!”

    She then told me she had been talking to her husband and listening to his advice on how to deliver the perfect Power Point presentation.  I wasn’t surprised.  She then told me about the other presenters who were all men and the topics they were presenting through their Power Point presentations.  Her gut was telling her that Power Point was the wrong way to educate the village representatives.        

    I told her given where she is in developing her idea, she needed a different approach.  She should present what she knows then engage her audience to learn about their environment.  Together they will develop the steps on how to implement her idea in their villages based on their specific conditions. 

    Over the next week, she completely changed how she will deliver her presentation.  She is doing it in a manner she is comfortable with and allows her to interact with her audience.  Instead of feeling disconnected from her audience, she will work with them and amongst them.  The group that is sponsoring her may be a little surprised by her format until they see the difference in the response she receives. 

    What I did was simply reinforce what she already knew – people learn through interaction, not by being lectured to.  Her goal isn’t to impress the audience with how much she knows so they marvel at her intelligence.  Her goal is to teach them some principles that they can then apply in a variety of environments in order to solve an important problem.  This method requires them to think. 

    One of my greatest pet peeves about the male-dominated workplace is that it doesn’t encourage people to think.  Instead, someone from on high passes down procedures and processes they expect everyone else to blindly follow.  But our work environments aren’t uniform and static so passed down procedures don’t always work.  They need to be modified.  Who does this?  In the case of my friend, she will be thousands of miles away.  It will be up to her audience to figure out their own solutions after she leaves.   

    When I teach people new procedures I like to play dumb.  I don’t lay out the process and say “Follow this.”  Instead I ask questions and guide their thinking so they develop the process.  My goal isn’t just to get their buy-in, it is to give them permission to think and solve problems on their own.  As a manager, I don’t want to nor do I have the time to solve every procedural problem.  My staff has to solve problems on their own.   

    Too often women are criticized for not having the confidence to direct others on what to do and not having all the answers.  This is the trap my friend was falling into after talking to her husband and listening to what all the other presenters were planning.  It was stressing her out and making her feel unqualified.  But not having all the answers is a good thing.  Our humility and unanswered questions allows others to step forward with their ideas.  When the group’s collective knowledge is used, we develop better solutions. 

    As women, our strength doesn’t come from ignoring what we don’t know so we can impress others with our expertise.  It comes from voicing all of our concerns and questions and leading the group to discovering the best answers.      

    Empowered Women Encourage Others to Think and Voice Their Ideas

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  • Is Wonder Woman a Heroine Or a Shero?

    One reason I started my website and blogging was to help women be proud of who they naturally are.  Too often we are afraid to say that men and women have different traits because we assume all traits identified as female will be labeled inferior.   Our society has historically favored male traits and used men to set the standard. 36953256_m

    As women we are conditioned and taught to think like men and often don’t even realize it.  We just feel those subtle little differences where we don’t align with the standard.  And we are trained to interpret them as not measuring up or fitting in.

    Using men as the standard, women are portrayed as a subset of men.  We are part of man-kind, created from Adam’s rib.  We are wo-men.  We are fe-male.  We don’t have our own unique characterization that doesn’t reference us back to men.

    This is why I like the words feminine and heroine.  Feminine is distinctly different sounding from masculine.  Heroine is distinctly different sounding from hero even though it has hero is in its spelling.  Saying heroine doesn’t conjure an image of a man.  We visualize a noble, courageous woman who is admired for her own achievements.  She is the equal of a hero and fully capable of acting on her own.  When she teams up with a hero, they are full side-by-side partners.  A hero doesn’t overshadow a heroine.

    As a word that creates an image of womanhood, heroine is great because it portrays an image of a woman that is unique and independent from a man.

    However, heroine is now being replaced by the word “shero.”  As soon as we say shero, we think of the word hero.  Men come into the picture.  It is as if we can’t think of a strong woman without also being reminded that men are heroes too – we can’t talk about Wonder Woman without talking about Superman.

    Shero gives us the subtle message that men set the standard and women are attached to men.   S-HERO   It doesn’t support an image that women can be unique and independent from men.

    I looked up the definition of shero.  It is used interchangeably with heroine.  More correctly it is used to describe a woman who stands up for women’s right and equality.  Okay.  But why can’t we still use heroine to describe a woman who stands up for women’s rights?

    Is it because when we think of a heroine, we think of Wonder Woman with her Amazonian body, tiny outfit and golden lasso?  Does Wonder Woman over sexualize a heroine so we are using shero to tone it down?

    THIS IS WHERE IT GETS REALLY INTERESTING:

    Completely unrelated to this article, I was doing some research on New Womanhood when I came across an article in The New Yorker by Jill Lepore about Wonder Woman called “The Last Amazon.”  It seems odd that researching early feminism would pull up an article on Wonder Woman.

    http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/09/22/last-amazon

    Here are some quotes from the article:

    “Superman débuted in 1938, Batman in 1939, Wonder Woman in 1941. She was created by William Moulton Marston, a psychologist with a Ph.D. from Harvard. A press release explained, “ ‘Wonder Woman’ was conceived by Dr. Marston to set up a standard among children and young people of strong, free, courageous womanhood; to combat the idea that women are inferior to men, and to inspire girls to self-confidence and achievement in athletics, occupations and professions monopolized by men” because “the only hope for civilization is the greater freedom, development and equality of women in all fields of human activity.” Marston put it this way: “Frankly, Wonder Woman is psychological propaganda for the new type of woman who should, I believe, rule the world.”

    “But more of the mystery lies in the fact that Wonder Woman’s origins have been, for so long, so unknown. It isn’t only that Wonder Woman’s backstory is taken from feminist utopian fiction. It’s that, in creating Wonder Woman, William Moulton Marston was profoundly influenced by early-twentieth-century suffragists, feminists, and birth-control advocates and that, shockingly, Wonder Woman was inspired by Margaret Sanger, who, hidden from the world, was a member of Marston’s family.”

    “Her “undermeaning,” Marston explained, concerned “a great movement now under way—the growth in power of women.” Drawn by an artist named Harry G. Peter, who, in the nineteen-tens, had drawn suffrage cartoons, she looked like a pinup girl. She’s Eleanor Roosevelt; she’s Betty Grable. Mostly, she’s Margaret Sanger.”

    Margret Sanger is Wonder Woman!

    I like this!  We have a new image of heroines as confident, intelligent, athletic, courageous and sexy feminists.

    So, we don’t need sheros.  We have heroines like Wonder Woman!

     

    Empowered Women are Heroines

  • What Men and Women Can Teach Each Other About Teamwork

    Last week I heard a woman say (paraphrasing) “Women should stop using teamwork as something they are better at than men.  Men play sports and use teamwork more so they are better at teamwork than women.” 41327855_m (1)

    My problem with this statement is that understanding teamwork through sports gives us a limited perspective of teamwork.  Teamwork has many deeper, richer and more powerful applications.  We have to understand how women use teamwork to fully appreciate the true power of teamwork.

    We understand that teamwork is the cooperative and coordinated effort of a group of people acting together in a common cause.  Each person on a team has a function and their actions have to be harmonious with all of the actions of all of the other team members.

    When teamwork is used in sports, the common cause is to defeat the other team and win.  Sports tie teamwork to competition and winning.

    In order for the team to win, it needs the best players.  That drives the team to look for A players.  Realistically, it is difficult to have a team comprised of only A players.  Most teams have a few A players, a lot of B players and few C.  To make up for the shortcomings of the B and C players, the team needs an MVP, a player whose skills are superior.  We learned this in elementary school when broke into teams at recess.  Each team captain wanted to choose first so they could get the MVP on their team.  In my school it was Randy Curly.  Every time it was Randy’s turn to kick in our game of kickball, he kicked a homerun.  Randy and MVP’s secure the win.

    But when we rely on individual stand out performances and MVP’s are we really promoting teamwork and working together?  Or are most team members just fillers used to showcase the MVP?

    When individual team members are allowed to stand out from other team members, it invites competition amongst team members.  There can be ball hogging.  The objective of working together to achieve something great can be lost to individual ego and personal glory.

    Since competition can degrade teamwork, sports don’t always give us the best representation of teamwork.

    Women use teamwork to enable many individuals to function as one entity.  When women work together there is a high level of synergy and intuitive action.  Women are continuously aware of what other team members are doing and when they see another team member needing help, they step in and give that help.  The team continuously rebalances workloads so they all finish at about the same time.

    I am sure there are a lot of women who disagree and are saying “Women don’t work that way!”

    And they are right because women have been taught to emulate men.  They have been taught to replace their natural teamwork with competition.  They were taught they need stand out performances and to be MVP’s in order to compete with their male colleagues.  And when women go into a workplace feeling like the underdog, then their sense of competition is heightened and teamwork suffers.

    There are also many women like me who work with men and don’t get to practice our natural female teamwork skills.  I try using my collaboration and synergy skills with men but it was like playing catch where I throw the ball and no one throws it back.  It wasn’t until I started supervising women and participating in women’s circles that I got to reconnect with my feminine teamwork skills.

    For me the difference between how men and women approach teamwork was driven home a few years ago when I attended a seminar.  The instructors noticed that for the first time they had enough women to form an all-female team for an exercise.  They wanted to see if there were differences between how men and women completed the task.  For the exercise we were given stacks of yellow Post-its and 25 minutes to build something.  All of the women except me were in traditional roles and worked with women.  So I felt a little out of place as they immediately started talking.  I will admit that my mind started racing through stereotypes especially when they decided to build a purse.

    Fearing too much female energy, I decided to balance it with a little male energy by driving the work and keeping us on task.  In other words, I was afraid they would talk too much and we would never get done in our 25 minutes.

    We made assignments and began.  After 5 minutes, with nonstop chatter, I noticed two women trade assignments, soon followed by the other two trading assignments.  They never discussed trading work, it just happened.  Then after 12 minutes, the two groups switched assignments with each other, again without saying a word except for the nonstop talk about shopping for purses.  Inside, I was freaking out.  Scared we would get off track I brought up how we traded assignments.  We took a minute to assess, improve the design and reassign tasks.  The talking never stopped and I learned more about purses than I ever knew.  We finished on time with a perfectly functioning handbag.  It was really cool!

    As for the men, two teams attempted a city scene.   But each team member worked independently and when they assembled their cities they wiggled like Jell-O.  It was obvious they didn’t have the synergy of women.

    The lesson I learned is that true teamwork requires a balance of male and female traits.  When both are present we can have great achievements.  Luckily for all of us, the Super Bowl is our annual national reminder of this.

    Every year in the week leading up to the Super Bowl a sports reporter asks a player who he thinks is the most important player on the team.  And every year the answer is the same – no one is the most important player on the team.  While every player is highly skilled in his position, they are not the league’s best player.  It is how they work together that makes them great.

    Last year, I heard a player explain the team’s performance by saying that they practiced and worked together so much that they got to know each other intuitively.  They learned how to play intuitively and work as one entity.  Listening to him I immediately thought – they achieved the synergy women naturally have.

    Great teamwork is achieved by blending the intuition, collaboration and synergy of women with the driving action of men.  With great teamwork, we have great achievements.

    Championship teams remind us that the greatest feelings of victory don’t come from defeating an opponent, they come from achieving more than you believed you could.

     

    Empowered Women Elevate Teamwork Above Competition

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  • Women and the Word “Just”

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    Those of you that have read a lot of my articles know I love to give a different perspective anytime there is an issue based on something women do differently from men and there is the assumption that what women do is wrong or inferior.   Last week I was going through old emails from my daughter and I came across and article she sent me on how much women use the word “just.”

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     The article caught my attention because not long ago while editing my book, I tuned in to just how many times I use the word “just” in my writing.  It has to be one of my favorite words!

    While editing I just deleted the word “just” because it just wasn’t needed – it seems superfluous.     

    However, according to the woman who wrote the article, women use “just” as a permission word.  And using “just” casts women into the “child position” and the person we are speaking to into the “parent position.”   For example saying:

     “I just want to talk to you about…”

     “If I can just get an answer on…”

     “I am just seeing how you are doing on…”

    The relationship caused by the word “just,” just ruins our credibility. 

    Now, I know I use these phrases all the time at work.  However, I usually preface them with: “Hey, you got a minute?  I just want to discuss…“ 

     I know I use the word “just” to establish a limitation or set boundaries.  In my writing I use “just” to limit my thoughts and prevent myself from going off on tangents.  It helps me remain focused.   But if “just” is a bad word for me to use, then should I just say what I am really thinking:

    “Hey, you got a minute?  I’ve got a lot on my mind and there are 3 things we need to talk about.  But I’m not ready to discuss all of them yet and also I don’t have enough time right now.  So, I want to discuss this 1 topic.” 

    Sounds awfully wordy.  So to me, saying “just” is just easier.   

    Given how bad the word “just” supposedly makes women look, I decided to check another source.  So, I looked up the word “just” in the dictionary and some of the definitions are:

    • Within a brief preceding time

    • Exactly or precisely

    • Only or merely

    Funny, the dictionary doesn’t say “just” is a permission word.  But if the “experts” say it is a bad word for women to use, then what happens if  we change out “just” and use “only” instead?

     “I only want to talk to you about…”

       “If I can only get an answer on…”

      “I am only seeing how you are doing on…”

    Does using “only” do a better job at conveying a limitation or boundaries better?  Or do we still sound like we are still asking permission? 

    Or, do we sound a bit bitchy?

    Obviously tone has a lot to do with it.  And if a woman is asking a question and sounds all mousey, then there is something wrong.  But did you notice all of these examples are examples of interrupting someone?  (In which case is it better to sound bitchy or mousey?)   

    When we interrupt someone, we don’t know what they are working on or how important it is.  When we use “just” we are conveying a limitation or boundaries so they can gauge how much time we will need.  This allows them to determine if they have time for us.  That is being respectful and having some manners.

     Suppose instead of using the word “just” we say:

    “Excuse me, do you have time to talk about…?”

    “Excuse me, do you have an answer for me on…?”

    “Excuse me, I want to see how you are doing on…?”

     If a woman said that would the “experts” tell us she still be asking permission because children used to be taught to say “excuse me”? 

    OK.  Let’s just get something straight.    

    Just because women show deference to someone else it doesn’t mean we are timid, insecure or that there is something wrong with us.  It doesn’t mean we see ourselves as subordinate or as a child.  We just might be using some manners and we just might be showing some respect for someone else. 

    And there is just nothing wrong with that.

    And maybe for that reason alone, I will continue to use the word “just” as much as I want.

    One more thing.

    Do you know what I just hate? 

    I just hate it when a man just comes walking into my office and just starts talking to me about something and expects me to just drop what I am doing and pay attention to him and whatever it is he wants to talk about.  I just find that rude.  Maybe he should just take a few lessons from women in how to use “just.”  

     

    Empowered Women Have Manners.

     

     

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  • Leading From Within – A Leadership Style for Women

    Leading From Within – A Leadership Style for Women

    A common response from women to my website tagline “Empowering Women to Lead the Male-Dominated Workplace” is:

    “I don’t want to lead men.”

    I often wonder why I get that response. Can it be their perception of leadership?

    When we think of leadership, we typically picture a leader who is out in front of his followers.   He is the leader because he was confident enough to step forward, put himself in front of the group and convince them that he knows what to do. Being a leader is a vulnerable position. People often disagree with you and tell you that you are wrong. They challenge you. Some people want to replace you in your leadership position in order to advance themselves or their point of view. Being a leader isn’t easy so I understand why many women don’t want to lead and especially don’t want to lead a group of men.

    But are we only looking at leadership from a male perspective? Is this why women hesitate to lead?

    How can women use their perspective to be leaders?

    As a project manager I was the project leader. I saw myself as the hub of a wheel, coordinating the activities of various functions, departments and personnel who are connected to me through the spokes of the wheel. Unlike our typical perception of a leader, I am not out in front of everyone, I am amongst everyone. Unlike a male perspective of leadership I am not using a hierarchy to give me power over people. Instead I am using a woman’s circular perspective. Standing amongst people presumes leadership gives us as power with people. I am empowered and every member of my team is empowered.

    In project and complex environments, a leader oversees many tasks or functions. The leader isn’t an expert in each one and can’t develop the solution to every problem or the answer to each new situation on his own. The leader must rely on the input of others. When the leader is on top of a hierarchy, interaction is limited and information is filtered as it makes its way to the leader. This style of leadership doesn’t produce the best solution.

    Using a circular perspective, standing amongst people interaction is not limited. The role of the leader is not to direct the solution or answer but to draw out the collective expertise of the group and integrate ideas in order to derive the best course of action. Standing amongst people requires collaboration, synergy, integration and coordination, all traits that women excel in.

    To become comfortable with asserting our leadership, we start by being a good team member. People are assigned to a team because they have skills and expertise the team needs. Each team member steps forward with their skills each time they recognize the team needs them. Team members can’t sit back and wait to be called upon because the leader and other team members may not know the skills are needed. Whenever a team member takes action that impacts another team member, the impacted team member is responsible for stepping forward and letting the team know how they are impacted. To have a fully functioning team, each team member must exercise leadership.

    When we see our workplace taking actions that adversely affects morale or performance we need to make a leadership decision. We can look at our position in the organizational hierarchy and believe we aren’t in the right position to speak up or do anything. Or, we can see ourselves as a team member with a responsibility to speak up. And of course someone with a hierarchal perspective can always challenge us or outright dismiss us. But that shouldn’t be the reason we don’t speak up. In my experience it often comes back to bite them and I find I am listened to a little bit more the next time. So even though there was a delay and the step forward small, my leadership had an impact. We shouldn’t believe that leadership is only about creating a big impact. Leadership is also exercised to make the slow, step-by-step journey of moving in a new direction.

    Leadership is about change. Anyone who wants to change the status quo or wants to improve the status quo must see themselves as a leader. Non-leaders accept things as they are even if they don’t like them. To be a leader you must believe that you have the right to express your point of view and believe in your point of view. That can be scary, especially when you are the only voice with that point of view. But then, that is how many great changes began.

    A good leader leads the people from above them. A great leader leads the people from within them. – M .D. Arnold

    The task of the leader is to get their people from where they are to where they have not been. – Henry Kissinger

    Empowered Women Get Paid Their Worth

    For a more about the difference in leadership styles, watch this YouTube video:

  • How Women Become Empowered

    The tagline to my website is “Empowering Women to Lead the Male-Dominated Workplace.”  Since writing it, I’ve been amazed at how controversial this statement is.   This is because as a society we created a controversy instead of simply understanding the different perspectives men and women have about empowerment.14024223_m

    First, let’s understand what empowerment means.  I like the definition in Wikipedia:  “Empowerment refers to policies and measures designed to increase the degree of autonomy and self-determination in the lives of people and in communities in order to enable them to represent their interests in a responsible and self-determined way, acting on their own authority.”

    I like this definition because it uses the terms autonomy and self-determination.  In my list of male and female balancing traits, I list Autonomy as the primary male trait.  Men understand Autonomy – doing what they want, when they want based upon what they think is best.  Men naturally think autonomously.

    Men’s Autonomy allows them to empower themselves.  As teenagers they couldn’t wait to turn 18 so they could become legal adults who no longer had to ask their parents for permission.  Men believe that once they become a legal adult, they are fully empowered.  Period.

    Today, there is no reason why all women shouldn’t have this same attitude – that once we are an adult we are fully empowered.  But many of us still don’t assume the empowerment that is rightfully ours.  Part of the reason why is because we don’t have the same instinctual perspective about autonomy as men.  We don’t see ourselves as an individual first.  We see ourselves as part of a group.  Unlike men, when we take action we recognize it impacts other people.  Therefore we feel a need to check with others and validate that our action works within the group.  We expect other people to give us feedback and tell us how the action we want to take impacts them.  Women give us this feedback.  Men however wonder why we are asking for permission or validation.  To them, if we believe the action is what we need to do, then being autonomous and empowered we should just do it.    If we ask for permission or validation, they will assume we see ourselves as teenagers and treat us as such.

    In my senior year at Virginia Tech in the early 80’s I was explaining my career decision to an old male administrator.  He got a very annoyed look on his face then yelled at me: “You’re free white and 21.  You don’t need to explain what you are doing to me.”  I was shocked by his statement for two reasons.  The first was his obvious bigotry.  The second is why I always remembered this moment.  While I heard the statement before, I understood that it applied only to men because women based on gender had no rights or privileges of their own.  In a shocking way, he told me I was fully empowered.  He told me to think of my autonomy and self-determination exactly the same way any of my male peers would.  I was a legal adult and I have every right to go out and live my life on my terms.  Period.

    And that is what I did.  And my life on my terms put me in traditional male roles in one of the most male-dominated industries.  Through my experiences I got to understand empowerment from both a male and female perspective.

    Where women erode their inherent autonomy is in believing that we need laws, rules or policies to empower us.  But, from a male perspective being empowered through permission makes empowerment an oxymoron.  You can’t have self-determination if you have to ask to be granted self-determination.  Our view of empowerment is backwards from how men understand and use their empowerment.

    As women we need to reverse how we think of empowerment.

    Once we turn 18 we are adults and therefore are fully empowered with the right to our own self-determination.  It then takes laws, policies, rules and values to limit our autonomy and self-determination.  This is how empowerment works in the male-dominated workplace.  This is why we hear men at work say “It is better to ask for forgiveness than for permission.”  Unless you are explicitly restricted in your action, you are free to act according to what you believe is best.  Women have to understand this perception of autonomy and empowerment in order to be happy and successful in the male-dominated workplace.  The women that do, love working in the male-dominated workplace.  They don’t create barriers that don’t really exist.  The women that don’t get it, unknowingly hold themselves back.

    Being empowered also means accepting yourself for who you are and knowing your value.  This is how society truly works against empowering women in the workplace.

    Our society values stereotypical or traditional male traits more than female traits.  This is especially true in the workplace.  Men don’t have to question their value or right to empowerment.  But, for women, it is a constant reminder that the traits they naturally feel are inferior.  If we empower who we naturally believe we are, then, we are empowering inferiority.  This deters women from feeling the same empowerment men take for granted.  After all who wants to stand up and proclaim “This is who I am and I am proud to be inferior!”?

    The reason I started speaking out on empowering women is to tell women that our natural traits are not inferior in the workplace.  Who we naturally are is powerful and very much needed in the male-dominated workplace.

    From my experience I know that in today’s complex workplace, female traits are the most powerful and most underutilized tools the male-dominated workplace has at its disposal.  Throughout my career I’ve proven that when I added my female traits to my male-dominated workplaces, performance soared.  I know our female traits are the keys to success the male-dominated workplace has struggled for decades to find.

    So, the foremost “measure” society needs to take to empower women is to stop promoting male traits as the be-all, end-all in the workplace.  We must stop the constant messaging telling women that they must identify with traits our society labels as “male” in order to be successful.

    Male traits represent only half of the equation.  The other half is female traits.  We must recognize that men and women are designed to work together, in balance and only when both sets of traits are present can there be sustained superior performance.

    No law, rule, policy or other person can empower women as much as our own attitudes and perceptions.  As women we must embrace who we are and understand how everything that we are told is “wrong” about us is actually right, valuable, powerful and transformative.  Then we must grab ahold of our full empowerment that has just been sitting over there in the corner getting dusty.  No one else is going to pick it up, dust it off and hand it to us.  We don’t have to ask anyone’s permission and we shouldn’t assume we have to run through a blockade of men to get it.  It is completely your choice as to whether or not you pick it up.  It is completely your choice how you use it in your life.  And because these are your choices, you are empowered.

     

    Empowered Women Chose To Use Their Inherent Empowerment

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  • Our Fear of Being Powerful

    I want to share a quote I’ve seen several times this past year:

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    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

     

    I thought was odd that we would be afraid of our own power.  But if you think about it, that is what we are afraid of.  It made me wonder – Why?

    I read some opinions that said that if we believe we are powerful, then we feel responsible to step forward and serve the world.  But then when we put ourselves out there we open ourselves up to ridicule, critique, questioning and possibly failure.  There is the possibility that the power we felt within ourselves can be taken away.  So in order to protect our power, we hide it – we play it safe by playing small.

    When we play it safe, we wait for the right moment to let ourselves shine but those moments don’t come often, if at all.

    For myself whenever I consider backing off and playing it safe – like every week when I write these articles about empowering women – I examine my perspective.  It is the perspective I have been taught that makes me want to play it safe.  Marianne said “There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”  What she is saying is that we are taught to believe that if we are powerful, then we diminish or disempower others.  That however, is a Blue Zone perspective – a perspective based in male traits.

    When I want to feel powerful, confident and shine, I reject this male perspective in favor of my natural female perspective.

    As women we don’t believe in the male hierarchal perspective that says there is a fixed quantity of power and for one person to rise up another must be diminished.  We don’t believe that to be powerful, brilliant, gorgeous, talented or fabulous we have to take those qualities from others.  Instead we know these qualities originate from within ourselves and we project them outward as an expression of who we are.  So when we express our power we are saying “This is how I shine.”  And it makes us look around to others and say “Tell me how you shine.”

    To keep our female power, we must keep our female circular perspective.  When we see people in a circle, we recognize each person as an equal individual and value them for who they are.  Each person is a vital piece contributing to the whole.  It allows us to say “This is who I am” without impacting other people – we only impact the sum of the whole.  When we keep this perspective, it encourages other people to do the same.  In a circle everyone can express who they are without taking anything away from who anyone is.

    I think of a circle as a container.  Each person adds to the whole and each person’s contribution of themselves only increases how much the circle contains.  So as we express ourselves, we don’t feel our energy dissipate or be consumed.  Our power isn’t attacked with ridicule and criticism.  Our energy is captured and interacts with the energy of others.  This is why when women gather in circles they get to experience their own inherent power.

    Contrast our female perspective to how we have been taught to think about our personal power.  The hierarchal male perspective we were taught doesn’t have a mechanism to collect and contain everyone’s power.  It is about competition of individuals – winners and losers; givers and takers; risers and fallers.

    So then, why aren’t we taught to think through a circular perspective?  Because it doesn’t produce the individual heroes the male hierarchy promises us.  We have subordinated the collective energy of many in order to pursue the dream of the ideal individual who is as powerful as the collective many.  When we hold ourselves back and play it safe we are hoping there is superhero out there who is stronger, more powerful and better in every way than us.  But there isn’t.  There are only lots and lots of other ordinary people just like us.

    We always have a choice in our perspective.  We can choose to play it small and wait for the elusive ultimate hero or we can step forward with our shining powerful selves encouraging others to join us.  Every week as I write these articles I am embracing my female circular perspective and inviting other women to join me in allowing themselves to shine in hope of creating a great big circle with boundless amounts of both male and female energy.   This is what the world needs.

    Our workplaces and communities need powerful women – women who retain and act from our circular perspective. My hope for the coming year is that women learn to no longer play it small and begin to embrace their inherent feminine power.

    Empowered Women Aren’t Afraid to Shine

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  • Speaking from a Female Perspective Isn’t Sexist

    I read a post from a male friend on facebook who was upset over Carly Fiorina quoting Margaret Thatcher during the Republican debate: “If you want something talked about, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.”

    Copyright: lightpoet / 123RF Stock Photo
    Copyright: lightpoet / 123RF Stock Photo

    He was angry at her for both saying it and thinking it. He thought she was being sexist against men. He was upset that none of the male Presidential candidates took issue with her. He assumed the reason they didn’t was out of fear of being labeled sexist.

    I suggested to him that they didn’t respond because from a female perspective there was a lot of truth to what she was saying and they didn’t want to step into that hornet’s nest.

    His comments reminded me once again how sensitive many men and women are about the subject of empowering women.

    The reason why is simple. We grew up with values and norms that told us how to be good and successful people. They told us how we can fit into society and find our acceptance. So we all have perceptions about ourselves that we depend on to make us feel good about who we are. If those perceptions are challenged, questioned or even if someone expresses a different point of view, it can affect how we feel about ourselves. So we naturally become defensive and protect our perceptions about ourselves.

    For many men the idea of empowering women still makes them feel very defensive. They believe that empowering women means disempowering men. This is why I love the concept that women hold up half the sky. It says we don’t need to take power from men because we have our own. But even with that there are men who grew up believing men hold up the entire sky and  will still see themselves losing half the sky.

    A former employer told me my website was “politically incorrect.” They were afraid I was offending men (potential clients) who didn’t perceive women as equal. But their perception was actually based upon their own perceptions of the potential clients. In reality the potential clients supported advancing women as evidenced by the women’s STEM and educational programs they generously funded.

    Many women don’t like that I say men and women have some differences because they define equal as being the same. To them, for women to be equal to men, means we must be the same as men. They believe that if men and women have different traits, then female traits will be rated as inferior to male traits.

    Some women say I bring back the stereotypes if I group career women and stay at home mothers together as women. Many people still perceive them as two very distinct types of women with very little in common.

    Much of this sensitivity exists because our society still highly values traits we classify as male. We were taught to equate success with male traits. Therefore, we haven’t thought there was much value in exploring the traits we classify as female or understanding the characteristics unique to women so we can find their value.

    Going back to my facebook friend, his perception comes through his pure male perspective. He never worked with a woman as his peer – he only understands women from the perspective of his personal relationships. Therefore he has no experience to draw on in order to understand the how women think and work in a business or government environment.

    I suspect his real problem with Carly’s quote was that it threw off his perception that she was a man in a dress. For the first time he saw her as a woman with a female point of view. That made him very nervous. Then using the rest of his perceptions he evolved her into being “part of the sexist divisive liberal culture.” That allowed him to dismiss her and protect his comfort zone.

    The reality is that he isn’t ready for a female President because he has no concept of what that would mean.  He has no idea how a woman acting through a female perspective would be different from a man.

    Margaret Thatcher, Carly Fiorina, Hillary Clinton and many other women know men through society’s male perspective and through their own female perspective. It is from their female perspective they make statements like “If you want something talked about, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.”

    It can be shocking statement to men who haven’t heard women in a professional setting express themselves through their female perspective.  But the truth is professional women make these comments all the time – amongst ourselves.  Kudos to Margret Thatcher for openly expressing her female perspective.

    Making men like my facebook friend comfortable with a female perspective requires exposure and experience. And we obviously still have a long way to go. Like my male peers through the years, he has to learn first-hand that a female peer doesn’t diminish him in any way. Women help men like him along when we openly express ourselves through our female perspective. That doesn’t make us sexist or divisive and we shouldn’t stop speaking just because someone throws out those labels. Their intent is to stop us from expressing ourselves so they can remain safely tucked in their comfort zone. But we are much stronger than that and we will continue to speak from our female perspective.

     

    Empowered Women Express Their Perspective

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  • Are Male and Female Brains the Same or Different?

    Recently I read a blog that announced there was no difference between male and female brains.  The author was too anxious to state that men’s and women’s brains are the same and therefore men and women are the same, that she missed some important information.  She didn’t read the study herself but got  her information from other articles and unfortunately passed on bogus information.14119586_m

    The study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science examined male and female brains as a whole.  “Our study demonstrates that, although there are sex/gender differences in the brain, human brains do not belong to one of two distinct categories: male brain/female brain.”  The study didn’t conclude that male and female are the same.  It stated there are sex/gender differences.   What the study does is debunk the myth that there is a dividing line with male brains on one side and female brains on the other.

    This study also doesn’t contradict another study also published in the PNAS in December 2013 by Ragini Verma an associate professor of radiology at the University of Pennsylvania medical school and her colleagues.  They researched the differences in the connections within the brain between males and females using 949 youths from 8 – 22 years of age.  Their research revealed differences in the connections between male and female brains.

    The male brain has more short front and back connections that are within the same lobes or in the same hemisphere. These front and back connections exist on both sides of the brain. The female brain however, has more long connections that go across from one hemisphere to the other. Females also have connections that go from one lobe on one side of the brain to a different lobe in the other hemisphere.

    They also conducted a behavioral study which also produced pronounce differences between the sexes. The behavioral study supported how different brains connections affect behavior.

    This study may provide a scientific and neural basis as to why males and females excel at different tasks. Male brains are structured to facilitate connectivity between perception and coordinated action. Female brains however are designed to facilitate communication between the analytical and intuitive processing modes.

    What I found fascinating about this study is that it states that because female connections go across brain hemispheres, women actually process information both logically and emotionally. So, women are logical but the added dimension of emotions gives us greater insight and understanding. Women can achieve a deeper and more thorough understanding of a problem or situation and therefore work with a team of people to come up with a better solution. That’s a very powerful skill to take into the workplace.

    Like the other study, the brain connection study help debunk some myths. I still hear women say women process information emotionally (right brain) and men process information logically (left brain). This leads us to believe that there are distinctly different male and female brains where female brain connections are all on the right side and male brain connections are all on the left. These studies prove that wrong and should hopefully put to rest the idea that women are emotionally neurotic because we don’t use the logical and rational left side of our brain. It also debunks the myth that men purely rational.

    This brain connection study also showed that the divergence between male and female brains began in youth and widened significantly into adolescence and adulthood. From youth to adulthood male brains connections consistently ran front to back. Female brains connections however continued to change, changing what parts of the brain were connected.

    The study didn’t draw any conclusions as to why there are different connections in the male and female brain. It couldn’t conclude to what degree the differences natural or the result of how we are raised.

    When we read these studies or articles about studies we want to be careful not to draw drastic conclusions like the other blogger did. In science there is never a “they are all the same” or a “they are all different” answer. Scientific findings fall under a bell curve. So there are many similarities between male and female brains but they are not exactly the same. Likewise there are many similarities amongst female brains but they too are not all the same.

    We are only beginning the gender research to explore our similarities and differences so we are far from any conclusive results. And even when we get there, we probably won’t discover any dividing lines, only tendencies that fit under a bell curve. But that is what makes each of us unique.

     

     

  • Finally All Military Combat Positions Open to Women

    I was going to publish another article but just saw that the Secretary of Defense is going to announce a plan to open all combat positions to women. I’m glad women will now have the opportunities I couldn’t.Female Soldier Flag

    When I was in the Air Force women weren’t allowed to be any “combat” position. I was offered a pilot slot but turned it down because I couldn’t fly fighters. Women were limited to transport and refueling aircraft which meant we had to either “haul trash” or “pass gas.” Neither was appealing to me.

    As an engineer, men could be part of the “combat engineers” which to me sounded like a great adventure because they got to do all the really cool stuff. As a woman, sorry, no can do. However, I was sent to the training and I was either the first or second female officer to go through the course. The instructors literally wanted me to sit in the tent and watch. I refused. I wanted to direct the entire exercise scenario because I had experience doing it back at my base. I was told “No.” So they sent me out to the field where they expected me wilt under the Florida heat and humidity.

    In our scenario we had to recover from a major strike. It began as chaos and only grew worse. Very hot and frustrated I grabbed a radio out of an NCO’s hand and started talking to the “director” about the situation. I described the scene and what I thought the priorities should be. The director was confused. He was removed from the scene and couldn’t picture what was going on. Eventually I started directing from the field. It was multi-tasking Nirvana which is why I always loved that role.

    Afterwards, I went up to the instructors and told them that for the next scenario I was going to be the director. I was and the exercise went very smoothly. The instructors who looked down on me the first two days were now suddenly very friendly and dragged me off to meet the commander to talk about how well I did even though I was starving and dying to take a shower.

    For the third exercise I didn’t direct, I instructed the man who was the director.

    What I noticed was the difference in my perspective about being the director from the men’s. The scenario was set up with the director removed from the action because men believed that is how you direct – to manage the big picture you have to be removed from it. For women, to understand the big picture we do better when we are part of it. For the first scenario I was in the field, amongst all the action so I understood what was happening. For the second scenario when I was removed from the field I still kept asking questions and picturing what was happening to make myself feel like I was amongst the action. When I instructed the next director I tried to teach him to be part of the action and not removed from it.

    To their credit the instructors understood exactly what I was doing. After the third exercise we had a long discussion. Because of their previous roles the instructors were used to being in the field and part of the action. They were uncomfortable being in the command tent and like me really didn’t get it as to how you can direct something without being a part of it. We talked a lot about communication and how during the first exercise I described the scene so they understood what was going on even though the director who hadn’t been out in the field was clueless. What we really discussed was blending male and female perspectives to improve how we approached the scenario. Until I came out there they didn’t know what was possible. They didn’t believe that a woman could actually enhance the exercise.

    That training only intensified my desire to be part of Red Horse which was the Air Force’s combat engineers. I knew I would excel at it. That Florida training proved it. But I couldn’t. Every few months the assignment people would call and ask me if I would go to Korea. I always had the same reply “Can I be in Red Horse?” Their answer was “No” so my answer to them was “No.”

    I am glad women now have the opportunity to enhance combat roles. There may be only a few women who are qualified for the various roles but I have no doubt they will make a significant positive impact. It’s been a long time coming.

    Empowered Women Have the Opportunity to Fulfill Any and All Roles

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  • What Makes a Woman Less Feminine?

    I have two questions for you.woman forklift

    What makes a woman less of a woman?

    And

    What makes a woman less feminine?

    Do you see them as the same question or as different questions? How you answer that depends upon how you define “feminine.”

    I looked up “feminine” in many dictionaries and found two definitions.

    The first definition is: Pertaining to a woman; Characteristic of or unique to a woman; Whatever pertains to a woman.

    The second definition is: Having qualities traditionally considered suitable for a woman.

    This second definition is what makes us distinguish between being a woman and being feminine.  It makes us rate women’s femininity.  Examine your perceptions about the relationship between being a woman and being feminine:

    • Is a woman who is married more feminine and more womanly than an unmarried woman?
    • Is a woman who is a mother more feminine and more womanly than a woman who has no children?
    • Is a woman who wears dresses and heels to the office more feminine and more womanly than a woman who wears slacks?
    • Is a woman who has a career in interior design more feminine and womanly than a woman who has a career in computer coding?
    • Is a woman who studies physics and becomes a high school teacher more feminine and more womanly than a woman who studies physics and works in aerospace?
    • Is a woman who operates a cement truck and decorates cakes for a hobby more feminine and more womanly than a woman who is in marketing and competes in weight lifting for a hobby?

     

    When we use the second definition of femininity we empower the stereotypes.  So we need to ask ourselves – Does a woman’s decisions about whether or not to marry or have children really impact her femininity?  How about her career choice?  Or the activities she engages in her free time?    Is one kind of woman really “better than” another kind of woman?

    As women, we should never question if how we live our life impacts our femininity, makes us less of a woman, or an inferior woman.  However, this requires us to break our ancient link between role and gender which society programs into all of us.

    There is an ancient concept called the Doctrine of Two Spheres.  It states that men and women, due to their biological makeup inhabit two distinct and separate spheres.  Men inhabit the public sphere of work, politics, law, business, commerce, academia and finance while women inhabit the private sphere of domesticity, child rearing and religious/charitable work.  The doctrine presumes that our separate roles and spheres are entirely natural.  This means men and women are naturally completely different.

    The doctrine also prescribes that men and women have no overlapping or shared traits.  In order to the define “male” and “female” traits, we consider the role of each gender in their sphere.  Men have all of the traits necessary for a successful career.  Women have the traits necessary for creating a home, raising children and engaging in charitable and nurturing pursuits.  This is the foundation of our stereotypes.

    The Doctrine of Two Spheres is deeply engrained in our society.  Today we acknowledge that men and women have some overlapping traits but we still maintain the separate spheres and roles.  So if you distinguish between being a woman and being feminine this is why.  Even the feminist movement didn’t move us beyond this belief of separate spheres.  It is why we make a distinction between women with careers and women who are stay at home mothers and still have conflict between which is better and which is right.  It is why we read all those articles telling women to act more like a man in order to be successful in business.  It is why we hear women who have successful careers say “I am more like a man than a woman.”

    To me the Doctrine of Two Spheres should join the Stereotypes in the trash can.  We have long proven that women can be fire fighters and men can be nurses.

    When we throw both away then we won’t distinguish between being a woman and being feminine.  We create a wide, varying and diversified definition of being a woman.  Every woman is feminine.  Without qualification.  Without rating.   When women can welcome and embrace all women in all roles without judgement then we achieve equality.

    I want to see all women aspire to be who they truly are and live their life according to who they are without judgement on their femininity.  True female empowerment comes from being true to who you are, whoever that turns out to be.

    Empowered women are feminine.

    Please share your thoughts and engage other women in our discussion